Photos
Quotes
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Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : Captain, I've gotta know, is there any action in your area?
Captain at I-Corps : I can only give that information to your commanding officer.
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : My CO's in surgery, he can't come on the radio!
Captain at I-Corps : Sorry, Corporal.
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : W-W-Wait a minute, here he comes now!
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : [Klinger takes the phone to the door and slams it, then holds the receiver close to the floor as he stomps, as if Col. Potter is coming to the phone. He then mimics Potter's voice to the captain] What in the name of Sweet Fanny Adams is going on? Can we expect casualties or not?
Captain at I-Corps : Col. Potter, that you?
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : You bet your horse's hiney!
Captain at I-Corps : It's all clear, Colonel.
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : Good! Now, the next time you get a call from Cpl. Klinger, cooperate! When you're talking to him, you're talking to me!
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Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : [Demonstrates his - very good - col. Potter impersonation] Once I explained who I was.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : [Who just walked in while Klinger was talking] You allright? You sound like a donkey in heat.
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Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : [during a poker game] May he who brings the flowing waters to the parched desert grant me a small pair of aces.
[He looks at his cards, disappointed]
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : May the mother of your camel spit in your yogurt.
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Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : [Klinger carries bags of ice] The iceman cometh.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Put it behind me.
[a canvas bath is set up behind Hawkeye]
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Let's move this table forward. Get it right up against my legs, right behind my legs.
[He looks at the small amount of ice]
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : That's all the ice you got?
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : I'm sorry. I'm a desert person.