M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Movie Tonight (1977)
Jamie Farr: Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger
Photos
Quotes
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Father Mulcahy : [singing] A chaplain in the Army has a collar on his neck. If you don't listen to him, you'll all wind up in heck.
Everybody : Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee, Mom, I wanna go home.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce , Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : Oh, the surgeons in the Army, they say we're mighty bright. We work on soldiers through the day and nurses through the night.
Everybody : Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Friendships in the army, they say are mighty rare. So I spend all my free time carousing with my mare.
Everybody : Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.
Nurses : The surgeons in the army, their brains they are profound. But we'll take chopper pilots, they'll get you off the ground.
Everybody : Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : The corporals in the army, ya say we're really green. But if it weren't for us guys you'd be in the latrine.
Everybody : Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.
Klinger : Oh, some guys like the Army. I think that it's a mess. If it's so damn terrific, how come I wear a dress?
Everybody : Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : The nurses in the army, they haven't tied the knot. But this one's gonna try it with Donald Penobscott.
Everybody : Oh, I don't want no more of Army life. Gee Mom, I wanna go. But they won't let me go. Gee Mom, I wanna go home.
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Cpl. Maxwell Klinger : [the movie projector goes out, again] I blew the bulb. It's not my fault. Who do I look like, Thomas Edison?
Hawkeye : No, you look like Mrs. Edison.
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Hawkeye : And now for the moment no one has been waiting for: the Father Mulcahy sound-alike contest.
[Father Mulcahy passes him his hat]
Hawkeye : [imitating Mulcahy] My word, Hawkeye, this jocularity is most unseemly.
[tosses hat to Klinger]
Cpl. Maxwell Klinger : [imitating Mulcahy, in squeaky voice] How can you make jokes at a time like this? Ooh.
[passes hat to Frank Burns]
Maj. Frank Burns : [in high voice] The post-op is collapsing and the O.R. is on fire.
[passes hat to Margaret]
Margaret : [in high voice] And somebody has broken into the sacramental wine.
[tosses hat to Radar]
Radar : Sorry, Father.
[puts on hat; imitates Mulcahy]
Radar : It seems that Private Simpson has come down with a case of hepatitis. He's the most *remarkable* shade of yellow.
[tosses hat to Colonel Potter]
Col. Sherman Potter : [in high voice] Jocularity! Jocularity!
[tosses hat to Father Mulcahy]
Father Francis Mulcahy : Let me just say this about all these impersonations...
[everybody groans in protest]
Hawkeye : That's definitely the Mills Brothers.