M*A*S*H (TV Series)
None Like It Hot (1978)
Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce
Photos
Quotes
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Major Charles Winchester : What are you two doing with my tub?
Hawkeye : Yours?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : What makes you think it's yours?
Major Charles Winchester : Well, it's characteristic of my family to send me one.
Hawkeye : We bought this from our relatives Abercrombie and Fitch.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : To make a long story short, Charles, you come out high and dry.
Major Charles Winchester : Your middle-class sense of decency and fair play will overwhelm the malice you now bear me and soon I shall be luxuriating in that canvas Xanadu.
Major Charles Winchester : And if that craps out, I'll just bribe you silly.
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Cpl. Igor Straminsky : Can we move along, sir? We've already had three servers faint from the steam.
Hawkeye : I'll just have the salad. Brown lettuce?? What am I supposed to do with it, eat it or smoke it?
Cpl. Igor Straminsky : You think that's brown? Look at that mayonnaise.
Hawkeye : [dumps his food] Right back at you.
Cpl. Igor Straminsky : You want green, have the liver.
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Sergeant Rhoden : Boy I'll tell ya one thing, I sure am losing my touch. Last war, I talked you down to a can of spam.
Hawkeye : And a can of spam.
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Hawkeye : You wouldn't tell everybody about our tub, would you?
Major Charles Winchester : Not if I'm in it.
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Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : [Runs in and sees the bathtub] I want it!
Hawkeye : Women often have that reaction when they see me naked.