- Cpl. Klinger: Major, we were only trying to help.
- Major Margaret Houlihan: "We"?
- Cpl. Klinger: Hawkeye and B.J. bought it and gave it to me to give to you.
- Major Margaret Houlihan: I should've known those two weasels would be in on this.
- Cpl. Klinger: Hey, that's not fair.
- Major Margaret Houlihan: You go tell your accomplices their rotten charade didn't work.
- Cpl. Klinger: Major, you're wrong.
- Major Margaret Houlihan: *What?*
- Cpl. Klinger: Nobody was trying to make a fool out of you. We just wanted you to have your ring back. That's all. You don't have to be grateful but would it hurt to at least appreciate the effort?
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: I remember when I wanted to get married. By the time the paperwork came through, my son was divorced.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: [Upon being told how long it would take to fashion a surgical instrument] 90 days? Charles operates faster than that.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: [Sgt. Zale's prototype clamp malfunctions, and won't loosen from Hawkeye's hand] I am now *officially* in EXTREME PAIN. Don't believe me?
- [screams loudly]
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Father, do you have a prayer for an untried vascular clamp?
- Father Francis Mulcahy: No, but like you, I can invent one.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: [Hawkeye and BJ visit vendor Mr. Shin's cart and find out he made Margaret's wedding ring; he's a metalsmith] You made all this stuff yourself?
- Mr. Shin: Since before you were born, Sonny Boy.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: Could you make something like this?
- [shows clamp]
- Mr. Shin: Two or three days... charge you ten bucks.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: So little?
- Mr. Shin: Anyone who buy this crummy ring deserve a break!