M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler (1975)
Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce
Photos
Quotes
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : I'll be grateful to you, Colonel, if you'd clear this matter up.
Hawkeye : Without taking hostages, if possible.
[Turns to BJ]
Hawkeye : Colonel Flagg's over here to keep us all safe from democracy.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Can it, Pierce.
Colonel Flagg : Still a cutie-pie, ain't you.
Hawkeye : Well, some guys have got it.
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Colonel Flagg : Now I'm blowing the whistle on you, Freedman.
Dr. Sidney Freedman : Blow away.
Colonel Flagg : Col. Potter, this man, this American, never signed his Officer's Loyalty Oath. And I intend to see that he's thrown out of the service.
Hawkeye : Very smart, Sidney.
B.J. : Where do we go to not sign?
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Hawkeye : Come on, Frank, scrape the rust off your imagination, what if this guy really is who he says he is?
Maj. Frank Marion 'Ferret Face' Burns : He's not.
B.J. : How do you know?
Maj. Frank Marion 'Ferret Face' Burns : I tested him.
Hawkeye : You tested him?
Maj. Frank Marion 'Ferret Face' Burns : I said a little prayer before lunch, nothing big.
Hawkeye : Just in case.
Maj. Frank Marion 'Ferret Face' Burns : My prayer wasn't answered, so put that in your hair and rub it.
Hawkeye : Come on, Frank, just because you didn't get chocolate pudding for lunch doesn't mean anything.
Maj. Frank Marion 'Ferret Face' Burns : How did you know I prayed for chocolate pudding?
Hawkeye : You *always* pray for chocolate pudding.
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Hawkeye : If Flagg wasn't mean, rotten, and crazy, he wouldn't have any personality.
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Klinger : [Klinger walks up dressed like Moses. Hawkeye bursts out laughing] Sir, can you get Dr. Freedman back here, the psychiatrist?
B.J. : On what grounds?
Klinger : I'm Moses, right?
B.J. : Freedman's in Tokyo, Klinger.
Hawkeye : You take the first left in the road, and when you come to it, you part the Sea of Japan.