M*A*S*H (TV Series)

Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler (1975)

Allan Arbus: Maj. Sidney Freedman

Quotes 

• Dr. Sidney Freedman : Just between the two of us and whatever mic I might be talking into, do you really believe if I were a Communist, I'd hesitate for a second to sign a loyalty oath? I'd like to go on talking to you, Flagg, but with your schizophrenia, I'd have to charge you double time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've already kept Jesus waiting five minutes.

• [Major Freedman examines Captain Chandler, in the Post-Op Ward] 

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : Jesus Christ?

  Captain Chandler : Yes.

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : Your presence poses some interesting questions. For instance, how long have you known your true identity?

  Captain Chandler : What do you mean?

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : Until about five days ago you were Arnold Chandler. Now, Arnold Chandler was born in Idaho, was raised on the family sheep ranch, went to college in Colorado, enlisted in the Army, went to O.C.S., trained as a bombardier, went on over fifty missions and earned most of the medals and commendations that are available.

  Captain Chandler : I'm not Captain Chandler.

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : You're not from Idaho? You're not in the army?

  Captain Chandler : [shakes his head]  Of course not.

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : You're not a bombardier?

  Captain Chandler : I'm Christ, the Lord.

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : But you died.

  Captain Chandler : I rose.

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : That was a long time ago. Where have you been since then?

  Captain Chandler : I live on in all men.

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : What are you doing here, in an army hospital?

  Captain Chandler : I'm Christ. Where should I be?

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : Shouldn't you be in the nose of a B-29?

  Captain Chandler : [looks confused]  B-29?

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : That's where you've been a good part of the past two years; up in a B-29, dropping bombs.

  Captain Chandler : Bombs. On people?

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : On the enemy.

  Captain Chandler : I have no enemies. I love all men.

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : Even the North Koreans?

  Captain Chandler : [with tears in his eyes]  They're my children. Why would I hurt my children? I'm sorry. I'm not this Captain Chandler you're looking for, but I hope you can find him. And I hope you can help him.

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : Tell me, is it true that God answers all prayers?

  Captain Chandler : Yes. Sometimes the answer is no.

• Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Well Dr. Freedman what's the diagnosis?

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : He's Christ.

  Colonel Sherman T. Potter : If you look closely you may notice, I'm not laughing.

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : OK, he's not Christ, but he's also not Chandler.

• Colonel Flagg : Now I'm blowing the whistle on you, Freedman.

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : Blow away.

  Colonel Flagg : Col. Potter, this man, this American, never signed his Officer's Loyalty Oath. And I intend to see that he's thrown out of the service.

  Hawkeye : Very smart, Sidney.

  B.J. : Where do we go to not sign?

• Colonel Flagg : Major Freedman?

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : Yeah?

  Colonel Flagg : Colonel Flagg. We played poker once.

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : Oh, sure. With Intelligence, right?

  Colonel Flagg : I have nothing to do with intelligence.

  Dr. Sidney Freedman : Better. You won't get worry lines.