M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Rainbow Bridge (1974)
Larry Linville: Maj. Frank Burns
Photos
Quotes
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[during a debate about whether or not to go aid wounded Chinese soldiers]
Major Franklin Marion Burns : When are you going to learn about Chinese treachery? Didn't Pearl Harbor teach you anything?
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Maj. Frank Burns : Now, listen, hotshot. I'm a pretty fair doctor myself. Ask any of my patients.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : We can't dig people up just for that.
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Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Colonel Blake. Major Burns is here to volunteer for this extremely dangerous and patriotic mission.
Lt. Col. Henry Blake : Is that right, Frank?
Maj. Frank Burns : You heard me.
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Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : [Frank reaches for his gun] Come on, let's have it.
Maj. Frank Burns : Have what?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Give it to them, Frank, before they give us a .32-caliber enema.
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Maj. Frank Burns : It's a good thing I brought a piece.
Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : Piece of what, Frank?
Maj. Frank Burns : A gun, ya jerk.
[They stop walking suddenly]
Maj. Frank Burns : I got it stuck in my belt.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Frank, if they find that gun on you, they're gonna play Mah-Jongg with our teeth later.
Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : Frank, are you out of what's left of your mind?
Maj. Frank Burns : Now, if they start anything, I'll take out the officer and you disarm the ones with the guns.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : [Nervous chuckle] Bite your Mao Tse-tung.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : You speak very good English, Doctor.
Dr. Lin Tam : University of Illinois.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : No kidding? Our commanding officer went to Illinois.
Maj. Frank Burns : Well there's no need for us to get friendly here.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Uh, Henry Blake. Uh, about 6'3", narrow shoulders, big hips, sort of shaped like a pear?
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Maj. Frank Burns : I remind you, Captain Pierce, army standard triage procedure is as follows: American wounded first, allies second, enemy last. Repeat, last.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Frank, that man is bleeding more than anybody in here, with the possible exception of your nose if you don't get out of my way.
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Maj. Frank Burns : But, uh, what about the danger? I've got to be honest... I'm afraid of death.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Nobody's crazy about it, Frank. But sometimes it's necessary.
Maj. Frank Burns : There is another consideration: I'm a married man.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : [Glaring] No kidding? I'd forgotten. You haven't mentioned her for three or four hours.
Maj. Frank Burns : Well, talking about my wife is really hitting me below the belt at a time like this.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : This man's got a chest wound. He ought to be in O.R. right now.
Maj. Frank Burns : He happens to be Chinese.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Then we'll operate with chopsticks.