M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Some 38th Parallels (1976)
Mike Farrell: Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt
Quotes
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : [the garbage that was auctioned off by Frank, purchased by Hawkeye, gets dumped on Col. Coner in his jeep] Beautiful, beautiful! A Tintoretto in barf!
[Kisses his fingertips]
Maj. Frank Burns : I had dreams like this all through puberty!
Col. Sherman T. Potter : I didn't see any of it, but I loved it.
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Cpl. Walter Eugene 'Radar' O'Reilly : [after a patient died] Gee, I hope I don't cry.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : It's no sin, Radar.
Cpl. Walter Eugene 'Radar' O'Reilly : When was the last time you felt like crying, sir?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : What time is it?
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : [about Nurse Able] She was in here before... um, with me, alone.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : [laughs] That's one of the worst kept secrets of the war.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : She was in here before and, uh... I, uh... uh... couldn't.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : ...Couldn't what?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : [long pause] The big "couldn't."
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Oh, that "couldn't."
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Maybe I tried too hard. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe it was her perfume. Maybe it was mine. She looks a little like my mother. Maybe Oedipus wrecked it for me.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Look, it's perfectly understandable. You've been going full tilt since you got here. Your nerves are brittle enough to use for kindling.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Tension.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : The war.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Happens to everyone.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Right.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Ever happen to you?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Never.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : ...Fink.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : What do you think of Nurse Able?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : If I wasn't married, I'd start nibbling at Nurse Able's toes and stop when I got to her hairpins.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : There is something there to arouse a male.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Unless he's been dead six months.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Listen, Beej, whatever the highest bid is, bid five over it for me, okay?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : You're gonna buy this garbage? Really?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Really.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : What are you going to use it for?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Well, if I tell you now, then you won't be surprised at Christmas.
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Radar?
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Yes, sir?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : You may have just saved his life.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Really? Gee, I didn't mean to. Well, wh-who would've thought I could? Gee.
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Private Phelan died last night, Colonel.
Colonel Coner : Who? Phelan?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Gerald Phelan. He was one of yours.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Wounded last time he went out looking for coffin refills.
Colonel Coner : I remember that mission. We retrieved every Joe that bought it on Hill 911.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : And how many men did you lose?
Colonel Coner : Our losses were insignificant.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : How many kids in an "insignificant"?
Colonel Coner : Two.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Phelan makes three.
Colonel Coner : We knocked out 15 or 20 Reds, old buddy. That makes my kill ratio eight and a half to one. Maybe nine and a half.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Do I hear ten? Sold, to the grim reaper in the third row.