M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Some 38th Parallels (1976)
Harry Morgan: Col. Sherman T. Potter
Photos
Quotes
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : [Frank wants to auction off the camp's garbage to locals] Burns, some men are born to greatness... others have garbage thrust upon them. You've got it.
Maj. Frank Burns : I won't let you down, sir.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : There's no way you can.
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Maj. Frank Burns : How do I look?
Col. Sherman T. Potter : [after looking at Burns] Almost lifelike.
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : [the garbage that was auctioned off by Frank, purchased by Hawkeye, gets dumped on Col. Coner in his jeep] Beautiful, beautiful! A Tintoretto in barf!
[Kisses his fingertips]
Maj. Frank Burns : I had dreams like this all through puberty!
Col. Sherman T. Potter : I didn't see any of it, but I loved it.
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Cpl. Walter Eugene 'Radar' O'Reilly : Why do women ride sidesaddle?
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Would you marry a woman who didn't?
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : [Hawkeye and Col. Potter are playing horseshoes] Don't try so hard. Let it go a little later.
[Hawkeye throws]
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Good. Bang on target.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Thank you. First time I scored in days.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Been a rough one?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Well, about normal. We're tossing horseshoes, and four miles away they're tossing grenades.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Uh-huh.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Frank's selling prewar garbage at postwar prices to people who can't even afford the ground they're eating off.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Uh-huh.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : And I'm impotent.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Uh-huh. I think I see your problem. Aim two feet beyond the stake.
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : Don't be abusive!
Maj. Frank Burns : I'm sorry, Colonel, it's just my nature.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Enlisted men have feelings, you know.
Maj. Frank Burns : I keep forgetting that, sir.
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Maj. Frank Burns : Our garbage is the mainstay of the local economy, sir. I don't think you realize how much valuable material is being looted from our trash heaps.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : I guess I just don't have your head for garbage, Burns.
Maj. Frank Burns : The late Colonel Blake said I was the best rubbish officer we'd ever had.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : The man knew talent when he saw it.
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : Did you order the new specimen bottles?
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Oh, yes, I did, sir.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Let's watch this batch. Don't let any damn fool try to play songs on 'em again. How 'bout the V.D. Films?
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Uh, I ordered two new ones, sir. Uh, "Clean as a Whistle" and "Buy You a Drink, Sailor?"
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Fine.
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : You've gotta learn to unwind, son. When's the last time you really let go of the reins?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : The back of a fruit truck on a pile of rotting peaches. I had a copy of Fanny Hill. The truck went over a bump and I was in heaven.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : You need a hobby. I toss horseshoes. The wife needlepoints migratory fowl. Grandpa Roy whistles moose calls.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : I knew a woman collected clippings of mine shaft accidents.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : There you go. If it's any comfort to you, I had the same problem in World War I.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : And you got over it?
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Mm-hmm. But not until World War II.
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Private Phelan died last night, Colonel.
Colonel Coner : Who? Phelan?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Gerald Phelan. He was one of yours.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Wounded last time he went out looking for coffin refills.
Colonel Coner : I remember that mission. We retrieved every Joe that bought it on Hill 911.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : And how many men did you lose?
Colonel Coner : Our losses were insignificant.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : How many kids in an "insignificant"?
Colonel Coner : Two.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Phelan makes three.
Colonel Coner : We knocked out 15 or 20 Reds, old buddy. That makes my kill ratio eight and a half to one. Maybe nine and a half.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Do I hear ten? Sold, to the grim reaper in the third row.