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Quotes
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Some private from the 8063rd just set a new pole-sitting record.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : On news like that, we can take the day off.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : 94 hours and 18 minutes. What tomfoolery. Leave it to Drake to promote this sort of nonsense.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : Who's Drake?
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : C.O. of the 8063rd. I can see his fine hand in this. Little bits of tawdry glory are all that matter to him. I still remember the day he swallowed 23 goldfish to break the old record at Camp Grant. To see him strutting around, you'd have thought he'd licked the kaiser single-handed.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : What was the old record?
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : 22. I was sick as a dog for a week.
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M.P. Ernie Connors : The Koreans are anxious that their national art treasures remain in the country. The U.S. Army supports that position.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : Well, I'm sure if Major Burns suddenly remembers buying that vase, he'll be the first to deny it.
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Willie Stratton : Hey, Hawkeye. How'd you like an aluminum bracelet for your wrist?
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : How'd you like a knuckle sandwich for your mouth?
Willie Stratton : Oh, come on, guys. A guy's gotta live.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Should we put it to a vote?
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Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : [opening a hard-boiled egg] An egg's an amazing thing. There's nothing as hard and yet as delicate.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Except my arteries.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : The egg is so versatile. You can do almost anything to it. You can boil it. You can fry it. You can scramble it. You can put a hat on it.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Put a lid on it. I'm tryin' to read.
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Now what are you doing sitting on top of that pole?
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger : I'm pole-sitting, sir. It's Section 8 time.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Klinger, you're the tops.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Klinger is the nuts.
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Willie Stratton : Aw, come off it. All I do is peddle a few harmless souvenirs. I mean, what I do is good for the economy. I create jobs!
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : For the undertaker.
Willie Stratton : Boy, you guys really think you're hot stuff because you're M.D.s and I'm just a chopper pilot.
Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : Make that Pontius Pilate.
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Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce : Good try, Colonel.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Yeah, you convinced me.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Oh, that's the trouble with speeches. You wind up convincing your friends and boring your enemies.