M*A*S*H (TV Series)
The M*A*S*H Olympics (1977)
Loretta Swit: Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan
Photos
Quotes
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Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott : [getting into their Jeep] It's only a race.
Major Margaret Houlihan : A race? A race? That wasn't just a race, that was the olympics!
Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott : Fine, you can stay here if you want, I'm going to Manilla.
[tries to start the Jeep. It won't turn over; Margaret gets out]
Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott : Where are you going?
Major Margaret Houlihan : Move over. If we're gonna go, we might as well get there.
[takes the wheel and they drive off]
Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott : Come on, Margaret, it was only a race.
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : Now, listen, Major. When you get to Manila, first place you wanna go...
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Oh, thank you, Colonel. Thank you so much.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : [Maj. Houlihan leaves. Col. Potter turns around and addresses the shelf] First place you wanna go is the Blue Machete Cafe. You'll love it, Major.
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : [Addressing the team] All right, all right. I know. I know we've lost the last two events, but that's only a temporary setback. I have every reason to believe we're gonna go out there and win this thing!
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : [the team cheers] All right. I'm with you Captain.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Margaret, you wanted to say a few words?
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Yes, thank you, Captain.
[She stands on a bench]
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : You people stink! You're slow! You're lazy! You have no spirit! Do B.J. and I have to carry this whole crummy team? Now I want you to get out there and fight! Fight, fight, fight! Let's take it to them! Let's cut out their hearts! Let's win!
[She sits back down]
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Thank you, Captain.
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Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : What am I supposed to do?
Col. Sherman T. Potter : I guess you'll just have to sit this one out.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Captain Pink!
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Uh, oh, Colonel?
[BJ points to Margaret's husband, Donald]
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : There's a little boy over there who looks like he wants to play.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Of course! Donald! Colonel Penobscott, I need your broad shoulders.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Stop! Hold it, time out, and just a doggone second!
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Darling, you're gonna be my partner in the Nurse Carry.
Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott : I am?
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Yes!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Colonel, this is the 4077th Olympics. Gorgeous George is just an out-of-town relative.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Objection sustained. The purpose of this is to build up our own people.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Thank you, Your Honor. There'll be a little something for you in your chambers later.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Colonel, that's not fair!
Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott : No, dear, the Colonel's right. These are your games. And anyway, with my athletic ability, Pierce's side wouldn't stand a chance.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : What-- Wait a second. Now wait a minute. What do you mean, wouldn't stand a chance?
Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott : Well, I didn't mean it exactly like that. I'm sure it would be, uh, competitive.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : You bet your brass.
Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott : Of course, a guy who was All-American in track and wrestling at West Point doesn't often lose to a bunch of army doctors.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Just a second, jocko! Would you like to put your muscle where your mouth is?
Lt. Col. Donald Penobscott : As a matter of fact, I'd really like that.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Pick up your wife, cadet.