- Father Francis Mulcahy: [Closing lines - After B.J. and Hawkeye said how upset they were that the film The Moon Is Blue was relatively clean, despite all the controversy surrounding it] One of the actors did say 'virgin.'
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: That's cause everyone was!
- Major Charles Winchester: [after B.J. and Hawkeye mention that the movie The Moon Is Blue was banned in Boston] Gentlemen, uh, before you unleash your libidos, bear in mind, Boston would have banned "Pinocchio."
- Igor Straminsky: Okay. Okay! Excuse me for living.
- Major Charles Winchester: There IS no excuse for your living.
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: I thought you went to see "Sahara" tonight.
- Major Charles Winchester: Indeed, I did. But, alas, I had to leave when the film broke, which was about two seconds after I ripped it from the projector. And I would have been here sooner, but I had to stop to accept the cheers of the entire audience.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Is something wrong?
- Cpl. Bannister: Why, does it show?
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: We're all sweating, but you look like you're drowning.
- Cpl. Bannister: Oh, it's nothing. It's nothing.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Hey. Doctors, remember? You can tell us.
- Cpl. Bannister: It's, uh, women.
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Huh?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Hmm?
- Cpl. Bannister: Women. Women. I get nervous around 'em.
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Gee, that's too bad. They're everywhere.
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: [after alcohol is banned from the camp] The only good thing about being here is that we're able to drink and forget we're here!
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Uh, we still have the still.
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Oh. Shall we take a stroll by the light of the silvery moonshine?
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: [finally watching The Moon Is Blue] I'm outraged! It's a disgrace. I've never seen a cleaner movie in my life.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: There was more filth and dirt in this morning's breakfast.