- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: [Consoling Margaret] If you count irritability, you've been pregnant since I've known you.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: The test is for Major Houlihan
- Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly: You're gonna be a mother, sir?
- Maj. Charles Winchester: [to Hunnicut, in a bad mood] What's this? Attila the pun has lost his sense of good humor?
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: There's nothing wonderful about it.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Are you kidding? All we see around here is death and destruction. Now, in the middle of an inferno that even Dante wouldn't buy tickets to, there's a little glimmer of life, thanks to you. That's not wonderful; that's a miracle.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: [after learning of Margaret's possible pregnancy] Did you tell Donald yet?
- Margaret: No.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Should you?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: [Margaret may be pregnant] What made you so sure?
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: I have all the symptoms. Morning sickness, nausea.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: We all have that... from the Mess Tent takeout window.
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: There's more. I've been irritable lately.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Well, if you count irritability, you've been pregnant since I've known you.
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: Captain, that time of the month hasn't been that time of the month yet. And that was last month.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Maybe your watch stopped.
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: [Awaiting her test results] Well?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Oh, my God. This is incredible.
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: What? What?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: I never knew my thumb was this big.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Colonel, I don't think you're getting it. Uh, Margaret and Donald... aren't, uh, uh--
- [stammering]
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: They're not, uh...
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: What he's trying not to say, Colonel, is that Donald and I are not...
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: I think I've got it now.
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: Well, I was with Donald about six weeks ago in Tokyo, and...
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Yeah?
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: Well, I think...
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: What?
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: I'm pretty sure that I'm...
- [under her breath]
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: ... pregnant.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Pregnant?
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: Shhh!
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: You mean with child?
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: Shhh!
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Expecting? Our little major is gonna have a minor? That's wonderful!