- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: To Erin Hunnicutt, I leave a list of all the young men your daddy took care of while he was in Korea. Many of them have him to thank for being alive today. I want you to understand why he had to be away from you those first years of your life. I hope I have the chance to give you this list in person, but around here you never know.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: [BJ shouts for joy] Watch the racket, Hunnicutt. This hospital is in a hospital zone
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: Hawkeye Pierce is alive and well and living at battalion aid.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: How do you know that?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: His fingerprints are all over this guy.
- Cpl.: What are you talking about?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: Who else but Hawkeye sews vertical mattress stitches with white cotton sutures?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Digitalis?
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: No, I'm keeping it a secret.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Where's the stupid sulfa?
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: It's in the living room.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: What?
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: The sulfa's in the living room between the end tables.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Margaret, you made a joke.