Married... with Children (TV Series)

Dud Bowl (1994)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack Franklin : You guys couldn't score with your own wives!

  Al Bundy : And we're proud of that!

• Rodent : Al, don't some of the First Ladies seem a little big to you?

  Al Bundy : Well, age will do that. Look at Barbara Bush.

• [after Al lifts up Thad's skirt and sees what "happened" to him] 

  Thad : I had to do it, Al. All those years in school I felt like a woman trapped inside a man's body. I just got so tired of it.

  Al Bundy : We get tired of our old cars too, but we don't do things like rip the doors off.

• Al Bundy : Hey Number 56, you don't look like Morty Fishbine.

  Lawrence Taylor : Well, I am you schmuck!

  Al Bundy : Who would think little Morty Fishbine would grow up to look like Lawrence Taylor?

  Speedy : And if that's something, Eddie Yim grew up to look like Bubba Smith.

  Bubba Smith : Shut up! Don't call me that!

  Al Bundy : Same old Eddie, except now he appears to be a giant black man now.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Al, I'd swear that's Rod Martin, Hacksaw Reynolds, and Kenny Stabler over there!

  Al Bundy : Jefferson, there is nobody over there but pink punks. And what do Polk High Panthers do to pink punks?

  Al's Teammates : Pulverise the powder puffs!

  Al Bundy : Let's rock.

• [looking at pink football uniforms they opposing team is wearing] 

  Al Bundy : Nice colors, Franklin. You all look like a box of Good n' Plenty!

• Jack Franklin : I think you are all a bunch of pansies!

  Al Bundy : Pansies?

  Jack Franklin : Pansies!

  Al Bundy : Say, didn't they recently change Patton High's name to Jacqueline Onassis High?

  Jack Franklin : [beat]  Yeah.

  Al Bundy : And isn't their football team now known as the Jackie O First Ladies?

• Al Bundy : They used ringers, guys 25, 30 years old.

  Jack Franklin : You had guys that old.

  Al Bundy : They were there honestly. They were stupid.

• Al Bundy : Peg, we're trying to huddle here.

  Peggy Bundy : You never want to huddle with me.

• Al Bundy : Oh, to hell with the fans. This one's for us... and Baywatch's Pamela Anderson!

• Bud Bundy : Dad, aren't you forgetting something?

  Al Bundy : Well, I'm trying to, but she's sitting right there!

  [gestures at Peg]