- [first lines]
- Crowell: We hear the KGB is giving Bonarc two million dollars to buy Smart Eyes from Pierre Morelle.
- Roget: It's true. And as you know, Morelle is too greedy to turn down that kind of money.
- Crowell: Well, then you shouldn't have any trouble convincing him to sell to us instead for, say, three million dollars?
- Roget: Three million dollars, eh? The only problem I'll have is with Bonarc. He gets pretty nasty when he loses.
- Mr. Lavender: [Briefing Danny and Casey] The man I want you to meet is Lassac Bonarc. He's a crooked Monte Carlo casino owner who acts as the middleman in the sale of illegal U.S. industrial high technology to - who else? - the KGB. Technology they can convert to weapons of war like Smart Eyes. Now, what we've got to do is break Bonarc and put him out of business once and for all. And we've got to do it before Morelle sells him Smart Eyes.
- Danny Doyle: You know, it's hard enough to break a legitimate casino; breaking a crooked one, that sounds about impossible.
- Mr. Lavender: Our first recruit, Charlie Miller, America's foremost authority on crooked gambling, doesn't think so.
- Mavis Kelly: Degenerates! A whole tour filled with degenerate gamblers. What I don't understand is why we are here. I mean, have you forgotten we're Suckers Anonymous? Where's your button? Why aren't you wearing your button?
- Ted Kelly: Mavis, just knock it off will ya? If Nick invites me to play, I'm gonna play.
- Mavis Kelly: You better not, Ted! Now, I'm warning you, if I catch you gambling I'll leave you. And I'll take the dogs!
- Ted Kelly: Oh, not the dogs!
- Mavis Kelly: Yes!
- Ted Kelly: Alright, Mavis, alright, you win. But you can't stop me from watchin'.
- Mr. Lavender: You know, I just couldn't believe my eyes - Pavel Vonoff. Fancy seeing you in a place like this.
- Pavel Vonoff: I didn't expect you either.
- Mr. Lavender: Well, we're just gonna sit down and have a friendly game of poker, and you're welcome to join us, how's that?
- Pavel Vonoff: Lavender, you're not playing poker, you are playing Russian roulette.
- Mr. Lavender: Oh, now, Pavel, every time we meet you try to scare me.
- Casey Collins: [distracting Mavis from the pivotal poker game] Mavis, do you know how to play baccarat?
- Mavis Kelly: Baccarat. Isn't that the game James Bond always plays?
- Casey Collins: Yes, and it's a lot more exciting than poker.
- Ted Kelly: There's no way I'm going to get back up there and reconnect that safety break.
- Danny Doyle: I guess you're gonna have to talk me through it.
- Ted Kelly: You make any mistakes, Lavender's a dead man.
- Danny Doyle: I guess we can't make any mistakes.
- [last lines]
- Mr. Lavender: [the civilian spies are huddled around a gambling table talking excitedly among themselves, Lavender raises a champagne glass] Well, I must say we're very proud of you. And your country's proud. I think we make a wonderful team...
- Casey Collins: Lavender.
- Mr. Lavender: What?
- Casey Collins: You're wasting your breath.
- Mr. Lavender: I can kind of see that.
- Ted Kelly: I hope you realize this operation isn't over yet, Lavender.
- Mr. Lavender: What?
- Danny Doyle: Well, if you mean we have to deal with Vonoff, Monte Carlo police arrested him for killing Bonarc and Johnny.
- Ted Kelly: I mean that now you people are going to have to figure out how I get Mavis out of Monte Carlo and back into Suckers Anonymous!
- [laughter, freeze frame, roll end credits]