- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: [as a gorilla is destroying the lab behind him] Think of the safety. Think of the sense of well-being. At last, your family can be protected from the heartbreak of gorilla invasion.
- Fozzie Bear: Hey, did you know that George the Janitor is so cheap that his wallet has an unlisted pocket? Am I too hip for the room?
- Miss Piggy: Scooter, Scooter? Oh, dear nephew of the theater owner?
- Scooter: Well, yes, Miss Piggy?
- Miss Piggy: Would you do Miss Piggy a favor?
- Scooter: Oh, sure. Why not?
- Miss Piggy: Ahem. Well, you may have noticed, I have given my love to Kermit. You may also have noticed his reluctance in returning same.
- Scooter: Oh, so you want me to get your love from Kermit and give it back to you. Oh, okay, where does he keep it?
- Miss Piggy: Amusing little twit, isn't he? NO, BONEHEAD! I WANT YOU TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS!
- Scooter: Ah, I see.
- Miss Piggy: I want you to tell him that Avery Schreiber is simply mad about me.
- Scooter: Oh, you want me to lie.
- Miss Piggy: Just do it.
- Scooter: And if I refuse?
- Miss Piggy: Well, then I will karate chop you until the only thing you'll be able to go for... IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT!
- Scooter: Uh, one jealous frog coming up.
- Avery Schreiber: [after tricking Kermit] Just like I said. It worked, didn't it?
- Miss Piggy: Yes! Yes! He really loves me. Oh, thank you so much. How about a smacker right on these porker lips, hmm? Kissy, kissy.
- Avery Schreiber: Well, I-I... Now, don't... don't... don't take it personally, now, I can't kiss you. You see, I mean no offense, but my... my family never even touched a pig, much less put their lips to one.
- Miss Piggy: Well, put your lips to THIS! Hiii-ya!
- [karate-chops Avery]
- Miss Piggy: Aw, Kermit, my love, my life, I am sorry if Avery made you jealous.
- Kermit the Frog: Uh, Fozzie Bear, stand by!
- Scooter: Fozzie Bear, stand by!
- Miss Piggy: Well, you are jealous, aren't you?
- Scooter: Fozzie, stand by!
- Kermit the Frog: Uh, no, I'm not.
- Miss Piggy: But why?
- Scooter: Uh, Fozzie, stand by!
- Kermit the Frog: Well, Scooter told me it was all a trick.
- Miss Piggy: Scooter, stand by! Hiii-ya!
- [karate-chops Scooter and kicks him away]
- Kermit the Frog: Well, that's it for tonight. We'd like to thank our very special guest star Mr. Avery Schreiber.
- Avery Schreiber: Thank you, Kermit, thank you. Listen, it was a ball. I hope I didn't get you upset. Boy, Miss Piggy has a bad temper, doesn't she, huh?
- Kermit the Frog: Aw, listen, don't worry, I can handle Miss Piggy. You know, she's just putty in my hands. I say "Jump", she says "How high?" I crack the whip, she jumps through the hoop.
- Miss Piggy: [suddenly appears] You open your mouth, my fist goes south. Hiii-ya!
- [karate-chops Kermit]
- Avery Schreiber: Gee, I love to see a man in control, Kermit.
- Kermit the Frog: [weakly] We'll see you all next time on The Muppet Show.
- [Piggy karate-chops Kermit again]