- Sheriff Mort Metzger: Sir, I don't make the laws, I just enforce them... Which is the official way of saying, I'm with you, I think it stinks.
- [first lines]
- Jessica Fletcher: Perhaps the Queen would care for another chocolate chip cookie?
- Sally Hastings: No. The Queen is on a diet.
- Jessica Fletcher: Oh. Oh, well, in that case, the last one is yours.
- Sally Hastings: Thank you.
- [last lines]
- Sheriff Mort Metzger: Mr. Mayor, we came for a boat ride. Where's the boat.
- Mayor Sam Booth: [holding rope that goes into the water] At the other end of this rope.
- Jessica Fletcher: Oh, dear. What happened?
- Mayor Sam Booth: I think maybe I, uh, scraped her bottom too thin.