- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Give it five seconds.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Until what?
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Until he notices there's a...
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Bikini contest!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [discussing the crime scene] It's a public restroom, Boss. It's really disgusting.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It could be worse.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: How could it be worse?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Could be a men's room.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Does that say "Sex Wax"?
- Abby Sciuto: That it does. It comes in Cool, Warm and Tropical.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: How does it work?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Don't worry about it, Probie. Pretty sure you still need a girl first.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [seeing their victim in a bathroom stall] That is one hell of a swirly.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: A "swirly"?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You take a kid by the ankles, dunk him in the toilet, then flush. Usually reserved for dorks. Does it look familiar, probie?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I don't think so. Noogies, sure. Wedgies, an occasional melvin. But, uh, no.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: If you two don't start working, I will show you hazing. And the Marine Corps does not do wedgies or noogies or melvins.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Thank you, boss.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I love the beach. Reminds me of college.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I thought you went to Ohio State.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'm talking about spring break, probie.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: She knew she was pregnant. Any idea about the father?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: She used a pay phone to call him, but his cell was turned off. She said she left a message.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [laughing to herself] That's your worst nightmare, Tony.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [taunting] So, how's it going with those letters, Kate?
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I'm working on it. Thanks, Tony.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How long?
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Two days, three tops.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You've got four.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [surprised] Really?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hours.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [deadpan] Sounds about right.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [speaking of photos of Jordan] In the article, Petty Officer Jordan said they were taken by her boyfriend.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Thought she didn't date.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, she was pregnant, McGee. There's only one way that can happen.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [as Tony's leaving for vacation] Try not to embarrass yourself, Tony.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Come on, Kate. I'm way too grown up for that.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey, Duck. DiNozzo and McGee'll be done in a few minutes.
- Donald Mallard: Oh, no hurry. It takes time to do detailed and concise work. Mr. Palmer, here, finishes his work quite quickly.
- Jimmy Palmer: [cheerfully missing the insult] Thank you, Doctor!
- [the DNA test proves positive]
- Abby Sciuto: Ding-ding-ding-ding! We have a winner! Tony, tell us what he's won!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [pretending to speak into a microphone] Well, Abby, he's won an all-expenses paid island vacation to sunny Leavenworth!
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [deadpan] Keep your day job.
- Lisa Kerr: She was doing a spread with two other girls for GSM. It was called "Naughty in the Navy". Hit the stands a couple months ago
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I remember that issue, good layout
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What is GSM?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Get Some Magazine, it's like Playboy but less risqué. They both have really great articles.
- Abby Sciuto: Do you know how small a molecule is?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I do.
- Abby Sciuto: Shut up McGee!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I really like this new Abby.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: We must have lifted hundreds of prints, are you sure you ran all of them?
- Abby Sciuto: No McGee
- [sarcastically]
- Abby Sciuto: half-way through I got tired and said screw it.