- Lisa Miller: I'm sorry, Dave - I'm just nervous. It's awkward, you know, meeting your boyfriend's parents. What - what if I panic, and just start screaming obscenities or something?
- Dave Nelson: Well, then I'll explain that my girlfriend Lisa couldn't make it, and you're just some whore I picked up at the airport.
- Dave Nelson: [Joe starts taking down the Christmas decorations in Dave's office] Joe, uh... what are you doing?
- Joe Garrelli: Well, y'know how depressing it is when you come back from Christmas, and the all the decorations are still up?
- Dave Nelson: Yeah?
- Joe Garrelli: Preemptive strike, baby.
- Joe Garrelli: You know you're standing under mistletoe.
- Lisa Miller: OK, Joe - you got me. But no tongue.
- Lisa Miller: [Joe takes down the mistletoe and leaves] Alright, with tongue.
- Lisa Miller: [Matthew enters] Not you!
- Joe Garrelli: I finished tearin' down all the decorations, and I, uh, threw away the Christmas tree.
- Dave Nelson: Uh-huh. Well, now you can go fire Bob Cratchit and kick Tiny Tim in the leg.
- Dave Nelson: Seeing as tomorrow is Christmas Eve, I know that everybody and their grandmother is gonna want to leave early today.
- Bill McNeal: My grandmother just passed away; thanks for reminding me.
- Dave Nelson: She did?
- Bill McNeal: No - no, I'm joking. That's my dead grandmother joke. Ha ha ha, funny funny funny.
- Dave Nelson: Bill, I'm sorry; I had no idea.
- Bill McNeal: ...No, I'm joking!
- Dave Nelson: ...Good one.