- [the defendants are an elderly couple who have been disturbing the police by having sex in their own apartment, very often, and very loudly]
- Judge Mike Watson: I don't mean to pry, Mr. MacNulty, but why are you so loud during these romantic interludes?
- Mr. MacNulty: [cupping a hand to his ear] What?
- Dan Fielding: Burn this image in your mind, sir: this man, standing stark naked, swinging a baseball bat.
- Mrs. MacNulty: My Louisville slugger.
- Mr. MacNulty: [cupping a hand to his ear] What?
- Dan Fielding: [shouting] She said she likes your bat!
- Ernie: [in Judge Stone's chambers] Bert?
- Bert Felch: Ernie?
- Ernie: What are you doing here?
- Bert Felch: What are *you* doing here?
- Harry Stone: [stepping into his chambers] What are all these people doing here?
- Bert Felch: [Discussing the location of Dans' transmission] That's incase he gets frisked. Criminals don't like to check there.
- Harry Stone: [Under his breadth] Doctors don't like to check there.
- [Ernie throws Dan to the floor and steps on his neck]
- Ernie: All right, Fielding! You make one move, I'll blow your brains into the office downstairs!
- Dan Fielding: [choked] I got no problem with that.
- Ernie: [with his foot on Dan's neck] It's a bribery sting! We're arresting Fielding, we had the judge wired.
- Bert Felch: We're arresting the judge, we had Fielding wired!
- Ernie: You mean...?
- Bert Felch: Oh, for crying out loud! Ain't that the craziest thing?
- [laughter]