- Darlene: [Becky's new boyfriend knocks at the door] I'll get it!
- Roseanne Conner: No, Darlene, no! We're going to embarrass your sister in an orderly fashion.
- Darlene: [DJ is playing the Shadow game] Stop it!
- D.J. Conner: Stop it!
- Darlene: I mean it!
- D.J. Conner: I mean it!
- Darlene: I'm gonna kill you!
- D.J. Conner: I'm gonna kill you!
- Darlene: Dad!
- D.J. Conner: Dad!
- Darlene: It's DJ!
- D.J. Conner: It's DJ!
- Dan Connor: [Reading the newspaper] What's he doing?
- Darlene: I'm gonna kill him!
- D.J. Conner: I'm gonna kill him!
- [Roseanne enters]
- Darlene: Mum!
- D.J. Conner: Mum!
- Roseanne Conner: What's going on?
- Dan Connor: Darlene's saying everything DJ says a second before he says it
- Roseanne Conner: [to Darlene] That's so immature
- Darlene: He's driving me crazy, if he keeps doing it I don't know what I'm going to do
- Roseanne Conner: Did you try banging your head against the table, maybe he'll knock himself out
- Mark Healy: Well, you think you can stop me from seeing Becky, huh?
- Dan Connor: I think I can stop you from seeing tomorrow.
- Roseanne Conner: We need to get a new bed!
- Dan Connor: You mean a brand new bed?
- Roseanne Conner: No. One some old person *died* in.
- Darlene: If anybody cares, D.J.'s head fits really well in the toilet.
- Roseanne Conner: See Dan I told you he was small for his age
- Roseanne Conner: [after Becky's new boyfriend smarts off to Dan and Roseanne] I want to go over to his house and beat the hell out of his mother.
- [Dan pushes her shoulder]
- Roseanne Conner: Not now Dan
- [Dan pushes her shoulder twice]
- Roseanne Conner: Okay but hurry it up
- Dan Connor: Help me flip the mattress, come on Roseanne you've gotta get up
- Roseanne Conner: Well you didn't tell me that was part of it
- Becky Conner: He's just sitting out there, he thinks I'm ditching him
- Dan Connor: Well let him make that long walk to the door and find out
- Becky Conner: [introducing Mark to her family] Mum, Dad this is Mark, Mark my parents
- Dan Connor: Hello, I'm Dan Connor, this is my wife Roseanne and of course the lovely Darlene
- [Darlene opens her mouth and waves]
- Dan Connor: [At the Lobo Lounge] Isn't that Becky's boyfriend, he's drinking, what the hell's he doing here!
- Roseanne Conner: Where the hell you going!
- Dan Connor: To say Hello
- Roseanne Conner: No Dan, if you go over there, you'll get all mad and punch him or something
- [They go over together]
- Roseanne Conner: Hey remember us?
- Mark Healy: Yeah
- Roseanne Conner: Fine and you?
- Mark Healy: I'm alright
- Dan Connor: What are you doing here?
- Mark Healy: Are we gonna have another one of your little chats?
- Roseanne Conner: Chat this!
- Dan Connor: Honey, honey
- [Mark sits on a stool]
- Dan Connor: You're only 18 right?
- Mark Healy: Yeah well I've got a little piece of paper that says I'm 21
- Dan Connor: How old are you when you're out with our daughter?
- Mark Healy: Depends on the place
- Dan Connor: I'm gonna ask you the question again and keep in mind you're talking to the girl's father
- Mark Healy: Yeah, well you think you can stop me from seeing Becky huh?
- Dan Connor: I think I can stop you from seeing tomorrow
- Roseanne Conner: Me too!
- Dan Connor: We saw Mark tonight
- Becky Conner: Where was he?
- Roseanne Conner: Over at the Lobo, he was drinking, it may come as a shock to you but he has a fake ID
- Dan Connor: We told him to stay away from you and you're staying away from him
- Becky Conner: Oh my God, I can't believe this, why? I never went drinking with him
- Dan Connor: And you never will
- Becky Conner: This is so typical of you, you have to put your noses in something that's none of your business!
- Dan Connor: You are our business
- [they start arguing]
- Dan Connor: stop with the attitude!
- Becky Conner: He's the greatest guy I've ever met, you just don't like him and you're taking it on me!
- [she goes upstairs]
- Dan Connor: Remember a time when she was so sweet, so innocent, so loving
- Roseanne Conner: I remember that time, I barely got to Thursday
- Becky Conner: Okay I'm busted, I wasn't at Judi's, I was at Monica's, I know how much you hate her so I had Judy cover
- Roseanne Conner: That's one
- Dan Connor: Where were you?
- Becky Conner: I told you Monica's, okay her parents weren't home
- Roseanne Conner: That's two
- Becky Conner: Two what?
- Roseanne Conner: Two weeks grounded, you wanna go for three or are we gonna hear Mark?
- Dan Connor: You lied to us, you never understood what you did, that's never gonna happen again
- Becky Conner: I'm never going to see him again and thanks to my mother who made me call every 15 minutes, he's probably never going to want to see me again anyway
- Roseanne Conner: Probably? What if he probably does?
- Dan Connor: You put your mother and I through a lot of crap
- Roseanne Conner: [to Dan] Just because Mark's never going to see her again, doesn't mean she's ever going to date someone we approve of, I mean the next guy could be like an axe murderer
- Mark Healy: [Dan is having a dream that Mark is inside the laundry basket and Dan's sitting on top of it] Come on Mr Connor let me out
- Dan Connor: [mimicking] Come on Mr Conner let me out
- Mark Healy: I promise I won't see Becky again
- Dan Connor: I promise I won't see Becky again
- Mark Healy: There's no air in here
- Dan Connor: There's no air in here
- Mark Healy: I can't breathe
- Dan Connor: Good
- [he smiles]