- Dan Rowan: [dressed as a Circus Ringmaster] When Mickey Rooney dances with Raquel Welch, he calls it 'working under the big top'.
- Dan Rowan: John, do you like doing late night, eh, TV?
- Johnny Carson: I do, Dan, it's nice working the same hours as muggers.
- Lisa Farringer: Here I am at the Metro-Goldwyn Whoopie studio party. They had a huge swimming pool filled with gin and Dean Martin fell into it. Somebody threw him a life preserver, but he threw it out and said 'never mind that, just throw me an olive'. Whoopie!
- Charlie Callas: I, uhm, I had a lonely childhood. I remember one day when I was... seven, my father took me aside... and he left me there.
- [makes buzzing noises]