- Doug Mendler: My, eh, my imaginary friend's name is eh... Mike. Eh, yeah, Mike, uhm, Mike Podium. Yeah, his name is Mike Podium and he comes from eh, Audiitoriumville. He likes all kinds of foods, but his favorite thing to eat, is uhm, emergency exits. And his... his two best friends are... a, a basketball hoop and a, eh, a row of fold-up chairs!
- Bill Mendler: [audience starts to applaud] That's my boy!
- Moderator: Mr. Doilywipple is one of the most stimulating imaginary friends I've met tonight. I just hope he doesn't put magic powder in my icecream.
- Church Lady: [to Marla Maples] A week ago, you were an unknown actress/model and here you are, known to millions as the "Trump Pump".