Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Laura Leighton/Rancid (1995)

Sam Waterston: Sam Waterston

Quotes 

• Old Lady #1 : When my ex-husband passed away, the insurance company said his policy didn't cover him.

  Old Lady #2 : They didn't have enough money for the funeral.

  Old Lady #3 : It's so hard nowadays, with all the gangs and rap music.

  Old Lady #1 : What about robots?

  Old Lady #4 : Oh, they're everywhere!

  Old Lady #1 : I don't even know why the scientists make them.

  Old Lady #2 : Darren and I have a policy with Old Glory Insurance, in case we're attacked by robots.

  Old Lady #1 : An insurance policy with a robot plan? Certainly, I'm too old.

  Old Lady #2 : Old Glory covers anyone over the age of 50 against robot attack, regardless of current health.

  Sam Waterston : I'm Sam Waterston, of the popular television series "Law & Order". As a senior citizen, you're probably aware of the threat robots pose. Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel. Well, now there's a company that offers coverage against the unfortunate event of a robot attack, with Old Glory Insurance. Old Glory will cover you with no health check-up or age consideration. You need to feel safe. And that's harder and harder to do nowadays, because robots may strike at any time.

  Sam Waterston : [a pie chart appears, reading "Cause of Death in Persons Over 50 Years of Age": Heart Disease, 42% - Robots, 58%]  And when they grab you with those metal claws, you can't break free... because they're made of metal, and robots are strong. Now, for only $4 a month, you can achieve peace of mind in a world full of grime and robots, with Old Glory Insurance. So, don't cower under your afghan any longer. Make a choice. Old Glory Insurance. For when the metal ones decide to come for you - and they will.