Scrubs (TV Series)

My Rite of Passage (2006)

Ken Jenkins: Dr. Bob Kelso

Quotes 

• Janitor : [proving a point to JD]  Everybody kisses the ass of the person above them.

  Dr. Kelso : [to Dr. Mickhead]  I was going to be a cardiologist, but I didn't have the heart.

  [Mickhead fake-laughs at Dr. Kelso's pun] 

  Dr. Mickhead : [to Nurse Roberts]  I was going to be a psychiatrist, but I was a-freud.

  [Nurse Roberts fake-laughs at Dr. Mickhead's pun] 

  Nurse Roberts : [to cafeteria worker]  I was going to be a doctor... But I didn't have the patience.

  [cafeteria worker fake-laughs at Nurse Roberts' pun] 

  Cafeteria Worker : [to homeless guy]  I was gonna be a baker, but I couldn't raise the dough.

  [homeless guy fake-laughs at Cafeteria Worker's pun] 

  Homeless Guy : [to his dog]  You know, I was gonna have her bring you some chicken, but it was foul.

• Jordan Sullivan : Sam? What are you doing back here?

  Sam Thompson : Hey, lambchop. Uh, crazy story - I was, uh, I was taking a bus to my plane ticket, there was an accident, and thank God I'm alive. I'd hug you but I, uh, uuuggghhh!

  [wiggles handcuffed hand and chuckles] 

  Dr. Kelso : Jordan. This is one of our most famous con artist-slash-drug addicts.

  Sam Thompson : Nice to see you, sir.

  Dr. Kelso : You as well. Turkleton? You've dealt with him before.

  Sam Thompson : Hey, dude!

  Dr. Kelso : why didn't you tell her?

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [Pointing at Cox]  'Cause he told me not to!

  Dr. Perry Cox : This is gonna cost you.

• Dr. Kelso : [Ted steals the only bottle of ketchup from Kelso]  Ketchup is for winners, Ted!

  [Ted promptly replaces the ketchup]