Scrubs (TV Series)

My Sex Buddy (2003)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Quotes 

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [narrating, walking on a hallway with Turk, approaching Elliot]  OK, just give her a casual nod. You don't wan't turk to know what's going on.

  Turk : [they walk past Elliot uneventfully]  Dude, you're totally hitting that!

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : How do you do that?

  Turk : It's a gift. Now you remember what happened last time you two got together, right?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Oh relax, man. We're just having some fun.

  Turk : What, you guys are sex buddies or something?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [J.D. imagines a fanfare]  Fo'shizzle.

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Wait, wait, you know what? Come on... Mr. Woodbury's doing well enough to be discharged. I don't mind standing up to Kelso on this one. Time to take the "G-R" off my gratitude and give that old bastard some attitude, J.D. style!

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : [He starts off down the hall. Carla points in the other direction]  His office is that way.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I know, I have to go throw up first.

• Dr. Bob Kelso : Look: Stay away from definite answers. Leave yourself some wiggle room. Say things like, "We'll do what we can," or "We'll get back to you on that," or..."Hell, I don't know."

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Couldn't think of a third one, sir?

  Dr. Bob Kelso : That WAS the third one.

  [under breath] 

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Ass-face.

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Elliot? What are you doing?

  Elliot : [teary]  Sitting in the dark... crying. So, you know, the usual.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Oh. Okay.

  Elliot : [She rushes over to him and collapses in his arms]  J.D., I had such a crappy day. I really need you right now. Come here.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [She starts kissing him and tugging at his clothes] 

  [Voice over] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : She needs you? Oh, my God, Turk was right. You have to stop kissing her, and put an end to this before she gets hurt!

  Elliot : [She pulls back to look at him]  Is there something wrong?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [Voice over]  Eh, she's a tough kid -- you can tell her later.

  [Out loud] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Nope!

  [They resume kissing] 

• Elliot : [JD and Elliot wake up in bed together]  I'm so relaxed. It's like I totally forgot about being a doctor, you know?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : You're a doctor?

  Elliot : Problem is that we already know that we don't work as a couple.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Oh, we're a train wreck.

  Elliot : So we can't keep doing this.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hello, and whoa!

  Elliot : J.D., it's just sex.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Look, Elliot, we're adults. I don't think we have to apologize for enjoying what we're doing.

  [Voice over] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : And that's when she said the words every man is dying to hear.

  Elliot : I guess we could just be sex buddies.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [JD pauses, hearing a triumphant trumpet music playing] 

  [Out loud, casually] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : If you want... .

• Turk : I don't wanna get all Dr. Phil on you, but the last time I checked, women have a hard time separating sex from emotions. So, you may think you're just tappin' that right now, but pretty soon she's gonna be like, "J.D., I need you."

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Look, if it ever got that emotional, I'd break it off.

  Turk : Okay.

• Turk : What's up? This is about Elliot? Don't you want to hear my side of the story with your little sex buddy?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [JD pauses for the trumpet fanfare]  No.

  Turk : Come on, man, where's the love? Where's the--where's the loyalty? Where's the automatically siding with the person you care about the most?

  [J.D. looks at him] 

  Turk : Oh, my God, that's what you're doing, isn't it. Isn't it?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [Turk shakes his head and goes back inside] 

  [Voice over] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Some realizations stop you in your tracks.

• Elliot : [the morning after]  The point is, we were stressed out and vulnerable, and we made a mistake.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Four times... . And a half, if you count that last thing.

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [about what he and Elliot could do]  . We could rent a movie. I have a fresh deck on UNO cards. You now what we *could* do? We could have sex like we did last night. I'm just throwing it out there.

  Elliot : Bite me!

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Oh come on! I'm sorry. I was just kidding! It was a joke.

  Elliot : [walks toward the bedroom]  . I mean it. Like you did last night. Come bite me.