- Homer Simpson: Networks like animation because they don't have to pay the actors squat!
- Ned Flanders: [speaking with a different voice] Plus, they can replace them and no one can tell the diddly-ifference!
- Max Power: Kids: there's three ways to do things; the right way, the wrong way and the Max Power way!
- Bart Simpson: Isn't that the wrong way?
- Max Power: Yeah, but faster!
- Trent Steele: [Homer has just introduced himself as "Max Power"] Hey, great name!
- Max Power: Thanks. I got it off a hair dryer.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, I almost forgot. While I was at the court house, I had them change your name.
- Marge Simpson: To what?
- Homer Simpson: Chesty La Rue.
- Marge Simpson: Chesty La Rue?
- Homer Simpson: Just try it for two weeks. If you don't like it, you can be Busty St. Claire.
- Marge Simpson: I don't want to be Chesty La Rue or Busty St. Claire.
- Homer Simpson: Fine. Hooty McBoob it is.
- Marge Simpson: Good night, Homer.
- Homer Simpson: Good night, Hooty.
- Marge Simpson: Let go of those.
- Trent Steele: Oh, hey... My 1:00 canceled. Have you had any lunch?
- Max Power: Yeah, but I usually have three or four.
- Trent Steele: So where to eat? You like Thai?
- Max Power: Tie good. You like shirt?
- Ed Begley, Jr.: I prefer a vehicle that doesn't hurt Mother Earth. It's a go cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.
- Marge Simpson: [Homer has legally changed his name to "Max Power"] But I fell in love with Homer Simpson! I don't want to snuggle with Max Power.
- Max Power: Nobody *snuggles* with Max Power, Marge. You strap yourself in and feel the Gs.
- Max Power: [singing, loosely, to the tune of Shirly Bassey's "Goldfinger"] Max Power. He's the man with name you want to touch, but you mustn't touch! He's name sounds good in your ear, but when you say it, you mustn't fear, 'cause his name can be said by anyone.
- Homer Simpson: [Homer is buying a shirt] ... And I want the monogram to read "M-a-x P-o-w..."
- Store Clerk: Sir, traditionally, mongrams are just your initials.
- Homer Simpson: Max Power doesn't abbrieviate! In his name, each letter is as important as the one that preceded it. Maybe even *more* important... No, *as* important.
- Store Clerk: Fine.
- [She walks away with the shirt to apply the monogram]
- Homer Simpson: And if there's any room left, add a bunch of exclamation points and a pirate flag!
- Marge Simpson: Your character provides the comic relief! Like, oh... Marlon Brando in "Apocalypse Now".
- Homer Simpson: [to Producers of "Police Cops"] I'm begging you! I'm a human being! Let me have my dignity back!
- [the Producers nod at Homer; he gets up and walks face-first into a cactus]
- Homer Simpson: D'oh!
- "Detective Homer Simpson": [Next week on "Police Cops", the Homer Simpson character's coat is caught on top of a flagpole] Let me down, Chief, I'm beggin' you! I'm a human being, let me have my dignity back!
- [the flagpole breaks, and Homer Simpson falls, crotch-first, onto a cactus below]
- "Detective Homer Simpson": B'oh!
- Bill Clinton: I know you don't think you're good enough for me, but believe me, you are. Hell, I done it with pigs. Real, no-foolin' pigs.
- Marge Simpson: Look at this place. The house number is spelled out with letters.
- Max Power: Get used to it, honey. From now on we'll be spelling everything with letters.
- FOX Announcer: And at nine-thirty, "All in the Family 1999"!
- Archie: Aw, jeez, they got me livin' with an African-American, a Semite-American, and a woman American there, and I'm glad, I loves youse all! I love everybody! I wish I'd saved my money from the first show.
- Max Power: Marge! President Clinton.
- Marge Simpson: Oh, my Lord! I feel like Cinderella.
- Max Power: Me too. Let's sing the Cinderella song.
- Chief Wiggum: Well, if it isn't that stupid cop from TV.
- [scratches his ear with his gun barrel]
- Chief Wiggum: Oh yeah, that got it.
- Marge Simpson: [after seeing a TV show wherein a character has the same name as Homer] It was all a coincidence... like that guy named Anthony Michael Hall that stole your stereo.
- Bart Simpson: [sarcastic] Yeah... coincidence.
- [Homer has changed his to Max Power]
- Max Power: Kids. From now on there are three ways of doing things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
- Bart Simpson: Isn't that just the wrong way?
- Max Power: Yes, but faster.
- [Homer walks into a cactus]
- [at Trent Steele's party]
- Party Guest 1:: I thought I knew all the players in Springfield. Where have you been hiding yourself?
- Max Power: Well, I spend a lot of time on the couch.
- Party Guest 2:: Haven't we all?