The Simpsons (TV Series)

Lisa the Beauty Queen (1992)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson, Pahasatira Nahasapeemapetilon

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lisa : [sobbing]  I'm ugly, dad.

  Homer : No you're not. You're cute as a bug's ear.

  Lisa : Fathers have to say that.

  Homer : [as Grampa walks by]  Dad, am I cute as a bug's ear?

  Grampa : No, you're homely as a mule's butt!

  Homer : [to Lisa]  See?

• [as Bart demonstrates walking in heels] 

  Lisa : Do you really think I can win?

  Bart Simpson : Hey, I'm starting to think I can win.

  Lisa : But those other girls are prettier than me!

  Bart Simpson : Lis, as your brother, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to say... you're not ugly.

  Lisa : Oh, Bart!

  [throws her arms around him] 

• Kent Brockman : [on TV]  Lisa Simpson is no longer Little Miss Springfield. She was stripped of her crown in a ceremony earlier today.

  [the TV shows footage of a goat being fed a bottle of milk] 

  Kent Brockman : Well, that's obviously the wrong footage. Uh, but it does seem the father of deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under "Do not write in this space", he wrote "Okay".

  Homer : [to Lisa]  If it wasn't for me, you'd still be queen. You must hate me.

  Lisa : Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?

  Homer : I don't know. Was I drunk?

  Lisa : Possibly. But the point is, you wanted me to feel better about myself. And I do.

  Homer : Really?

  Lisa : Uh-huh.

  Homer : Will you remember this the next time I wreck your life?

  Lisa : It's a deal.

  [Lisa and Homer hug each other] 

  Kent Brockman : And now, my exclusive interview with His Holiness, Pope John Paul II.

  [the goat footage plays again] 

  Kent Brockman : That's it. I cannot work under these conditions. If anybody wants me, I'll be downstairs at McDougal's. Call the weekend guy, I don't care!

  [sound of Brockman slamming the door] 

• [after Lisa loses the pageant, the family is watching the winner being crowned; it starts to rain] 

  Marge : Oh, dear. It would be such a shame if that pretty dress got wet.

  Lisa : I'd say the bigger danger is her sceptre acting as a lightning rod. Unless it's made out of plastic.

  [BOOM!] 

  Bart Simpson : Nope, metal.

• Lisa : Do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?

  Homer : I dunno. Was I drunk?

  Lisa : Possibly.

• Lisa : My name is Lisa Simpsons, and I want to be Little Miss Springfield so I can make our town a better place!

  Homer : Yeah, clean up this stink hole!