The Simpsons (TV Series)

Lisa the Iconoclast (1996)

Dan Castellaneta: Man in Film #2, Homer Simpson, Mayor Quimby, George Washington, Long John Silver's Representative, Barney Gumble, Groundskeeper Willie

Quotes 

• Homer : Dig him up. Dig up that corpse. If you really love Jebediah Springfield, you'll haul his bones out of the ground to prove my daughter wrong. Dig up his grave. Pull out his tongue.

  Mayor Quimby : Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?

• Lisa : How about town crier? You'd be great at that.

  Homer : You think so?

  Bart : Well, yeah, dad, you're a big fat loud-mouth, and you can walk when you have to.

• Moe Szyslak : Awww, the little cutie wants to do something cute.

  Barney Gumble : Oh...

  Moe Szyslak : Shut up you bums! Shut up!

  [to the patrons] 

  Moe Szyslak : Go ahead, angel.

  Lisa : Jebediah Springfield was nothing more than an evil blood-thirsty pirate who hated this town!

  Moe Szyslak : Good God! Ah, Homer, you know I support, ah, most any prejudice you can name, but your hero phobia sickens me.

• Homer : [deadly serious]  I've got two questions. One: Where's the fife? Two: Give me the fife.

• Mayor Quimby : Congratulations Ned, you are our new town crier. May your shrill, nasal voice ring throughout our streets and brains.

  Ned Flanders : Thankily-dank, Mayor, I shan't disappoint. Har ye, har ye. I declare myself pinkled tink about Springfield's Bicen-cidilly-ti-ten-toodly-rin-tin-tennial Day.

  Homer : You suck-diddily-uck, Flanders. Gimme that.

  [Grabs the bell from him] 

  Homer : Hear ye. Hear ye. Ye olde town crier proclaimed crappy by all. Chooseth Homer Simpson, and he shalt rock thy world.

  Chief Wiggum : Good God, he is fabulous.

  Principal Skinner : He's embiggened that role with that cromulent performance.

• George Washington : We had quitters during the Revolution too... we called them Kentuckians.

• Betsy Ross : [Interrupting the fight between Washington and Jebediah Springfield]  I got the white stars you wanted but not the red hearts, yellow moons, and or green clovers.

  George Washington : Well... I'll use it. But I'm not *paying* for it!

• Homer : Mental note: steal his idea.

• Lisa : I hope you know you're sponsoring a celebration for a murderous pirate.

  Long John Silver's Representative : A pirate? Well, that's hardly the image we want for Long John Silver's!

• Homer : Hear ye, hear ye! The Homer Broadcasting System is on the air! All hollering, all the time! I'm going to...

  Mayor Quimby : You're going to restrict your criering to the parade and selected pre-approved publicity events!

  Homer : [meekly]  Okay.

• Lisa : Jebediah Springfield was really a vicious pirate named Hans Sprungfeld. His tongue was bitten off by a Turk in a grog house fight.

  Homer : No tongue, eh? How did he talk and eat and laugh and love?

  Lisa : He had it replaced with a prosthetic tongue made out of silver.

  Homer : Yes, that'll do.

• Ned Flanders : [marching in the parade]  Well, hey, it's Homer. Good to see you, neigh...

  Homer : [shoving him away and taking his bell]  Get lost. Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!

  Helen Lovejoy : He is not the official town crier! Police, do something!

  Chief Wiggum : Well, I'd like to, ma'am, but he's too damn good. Let him march, boys. Let the man march!