The Simpsons (TV Series)

Lisa's Sax (1997)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier

Quotes 

• Man in "Twin Peaks" : That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks. And damn good cherry pie.

  [on TV we see The Giant dancing with a white horse, as a traffic light hangs from a nearby tree] 

  Homer Simpson : Brilliant.

  [chuckles] 

  Homer Simpson : I have absolutley no idea what's going on.

  Marge Simpson : Homer, I want you to look at this drawing Bart did!

  [presents Homer with a very morbid drawing] 

  Homer Simpson : [faking excitement, watching TV]  Oh, it's beautiful! Oh, oh, let's put Bart's beautiful drawing up on the fridge!

  Marge Simpson : Homer, stop. Will you please look at the drawing?

  Homer Simpson : Oh, all right. What...

  [looks at drawing] 

  Homer Simpson : ...AAAH! Burn it! Send it to hell!

  Marge Simpson : I think we're going to have to get Bart some help.

  Homer Simpson : [cringing]  Get it away!

• [meeting with Homer and Marge about Bart's problems in kindergarten] 

  Dr. J. Loren Pryor : Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, there's nothing to be alarmed about. Public school can be intimidating to a young child, particularly one with as many flamboyantly homosexual tendencies as your son.

  Marge Simpson : Bart's gay?

  Dr. J. Loren Pryor : Bart?

  [looks at the file] 

  Dr. J. Loren Pryor : Ah, whoo, wrong file.

  [puts the file, labeled "Milhouse Van Houten," back] 

• Marge : There must be something we can do to encourage Lisa's gift. An art class. Ballet lessons. They have fun things to do at the museum on Saturday.

  Homer : Whoa, whoa, Marge. I'm not spending my Saturdays at a museum. Unless... museums don't have foosball do they?

  [in Homer's mind, he's playing against the Statue of David and wins] 

  Homer : You lose, Michaelangelo's David! Who's next?

  The Scream : [Edvard Munch's The Scream runs out]  MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

• Homer Simpson : Our family was suffering its worst crisis ever. Bart was miserable at school, and Lisa's gifts were going to waste.

  Bart Simpson : Uh, Homer, its five years later and I'm still miserable at school.

  Lisa Simpson : And my gifts are still going to waste!

  Marge Simpson : And sometimes I just feel so smothered by this family I just want to scream till my lungs explode!

• Homer Simpson : Boy, the way the Bee Gees played...

  Marge : Movies John Travolta made...

  Homer Simpson : Guessing how much Elvis weighed...

  Homer Simpson , Marge : Those were the days!

  Marge : And you knew where you were then...

  Homer Simpson : Watching shows like Gentle Ben...

  Homer Simpson , Marge : Mister, we could use a man like Sheriff Lobo again!

  Homer Simpson : Disco Duck and Fleetwood Mac...

  Marge : Coming out of my eight-track...

  Homer Simpson , Marge : Michael Jackson still was black... those were the days!

  [later on in episode] 

  Homer Simpson : Bart was feeling might blue...

  Marge : It's a shame what school can do...

  Apu : For no reason here's Apu!

  Homer Simpson , Marge , Apu : Those were the days!

• Marge Simpson : Well, Grandpa, as long as you're here, we were telling a story that took place when Bart was five, and Lisa was three.

  Grampa Simpson : Oh, I know this story! The year was nineteen-ought-six. The President is the divine Miss Sarah Burnheart. And all over America, people were doin' a dance called the "Funky Grandpa"!

  [sings] 

  Grampa Simpson : Oh... I'm... the...

  [falls asleep standing up] 

• Marge : You know, Homer, there's $200 in the air conditioning account.

  Homer : Oh Marge! Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life sweating like a pig?

  Bart : Not to mention eating like a pig and dressing like a pig.

  Apu : Don't forget the smell.

  Homer : Will you get off of my lawn?

  Apu : Why don't you make me?

  Homer : Why, you...! Oh, forget it.

• Marge Simpson : And so, just as things looked their worst...

  Grampa Simpson : I realized I could make money selling my medication to dead-heads!

  Marge Simpson : Grandpa, what are you talking about?

  Grampa Simpson : Ohh... nothing.

• [to the tune of the "All in the Family" theme song] 

  Homer Simpson : Bart was feeling mighty blue,

  Marge Simpson : It's asham what school can do,

  Apu : For no reason here's Apu,

  Homer Simpson , Marge Simpson , Apu : Those were the days!