The Simpsons (TV Series)

Little Girl in the Big Ten (2002)

Tress MacNeille: Mrs. Pommelhorst, Tina, Dolph, Agnes Skinner

Quotes 

• Principal Skinner : Now I will take any questions from Honor Students.

  Agnes Skinner : [Agnes shows up at the school knocking a student out of her way]  I've got a question. How dare you wear white? I hear what you do at night.

  Principal Skinner : Security!

  Agnes Skinner : [Two Kids drag Agnes off the school grounds]  Get your hands off of me.

• [In order to go to College, Lisa convinced two College girls that her house is an off-campus dorm] 

  Tina : Hey, Lisa. Where've you been?

  Lisa : In heaven.

  Carrie : I love her. She's such a free spirit.

  Tina : She has to be, where she lives. That place had a Manson Family vibe...

• Carrie : Need a ride back to campus?

  Lisa : Campus?

  [seeing the bumper sticker and parking decal on their car] 

  Lisa : You guys are college students!

  Carrie : Yeah, but with our small gymnast bodies, everyone always thinks we're way younger.

  Tina : Aren't you in college?

  Lisa : [covering]  Um... of course. Where do you think I go, baby school?

• Anthro Lecturer : [showing his class an "Itchy & Scratchy" cartoon]  So, what does this cartoon "mean"?

  Tina : It shows how the depletion of our natural resources has pitted our small farmers against each other.

  Anthro Lecturer : Yes, and birds go "tweet". What else?

  Milhouse Van Houten : Hey, mister, put the cartoon back on.

  Anthro Lecturer : I'm sorry, boys. We don't allow children in this class.

  Milhouse Van Houten : What about Lisa? She's only 8.

  Tina : [murmurs from the class]  Lisa, did you lie to us?

  Lisa : Well, I just wanted to belong. For once, I felt I was with intellectual equals.

  Carrie : I can't believe I cheated off an 8-year-old.

  Lisa : [crying, she leaves]  I guess we won't be biking through Italy.

  Carrie : She's worse than that 80-year-old who pretended to be a freshman.

  Hans Moleman : I just wanted a place to sit down.

• Lisa : [thinking]  Wow! I'm actually passing as a college student! And they don't have a Blue's Clue. Whoops! Gotta age it up.

  [out loud] 

  Lisa : Life sucks.

  Tina : Totally.

  Lisa : [sighing in relief]  Phew.

• Mrs. Pommelhorst : Lisa, gym isn't just about encouraging fitness, it's also about exposing weakness. Check minus.

  Principal Skinner : Are you mad, Brunella? You can't fail Lisa. She's the only child keeping this school accredited. Without her, we'd have to release these children back into the forest. So, let's just turn that minus into a plus.

  Mrs. Pommelhorst : [blocking his pen with her own]  Skinner, I took an oath. And by Xena, this girl's failing gym.

  Principal Skinner : Perhaps we could get her a private coach.

  Mrs. Pommelhorst : Well, I know a coach, but he's tough. He defected *into* East Germany.

• Carrie : Hey, you doing anything tomorrow night? Robert Pinsky's reading at Cafe Kafka.

  Lisa : Robert Pinsky? The former Poet Laureate?

  Tina : It's gonna be great. The three of us could share a scone.

  Lisa : Non-dairy?

  Carrie , Tina : Duh.

• Lisa : You're reading "Gravity's Rainbow"?

  Tina : Re-reading.

  Carrie : Sorry, what are you guys talking about? I was making fractals.

  Lisa : [thinking]  These girls are brilliant. I've finally found kids I can relate to.

  [out loud] 

  Lisa : You guys are so cool. I can't believe I never met you before.

  Tina : Well, I'm Tina, and this is Carrie.

  Carrie : Maybe we can hang out together.

  Lisa : Oh, I'd love to.

  Lugash : [coming in]  You girls were all great. Cats back for everyone.

  Tina : I had a dog.

  Lugash : Is cat now!