The Simpsons (TV Series)

Pokey Mom (2001)

Charles Napier: Warden

Quotes 

• Warden : He drew a unicorn in space. I ask ya, what's it breathing?

  Homer : Air?

  Warden : Ain't no air in space.

  Homer : There's an Air & Space Museum...

• Warden : Welcome to Waterville State Penitentiary! The contestants you'll see today are actual prisoners on a break, from their telemarketing duties. Now here comes our first outlaw.

  Unknown Prisoner : [Gate opens and prisoner on horse comes out]  Ye-haw!

  [Horse throws him and he lands on his head. Crowd gasps] 

  Warden : Oooh, doggie. Well, don't feel too bad for him, folks. He's in here for erecting a Nativity Scene on city property.

  Marge Simpson : [Crowds boos loudly]  There's so much evil in the world.

• Warden : [Prisoner chasing calf on a horse. The Prisoner ropes him and brings him down. He runs over an hogties him then pulls out a knife and holds it to the calf's throat]  No, Dilbert, we're not slaughtering the animals!

  Prisoner : [Puts away the knife]  It's not like that Warden, we was just having a conversation.

  [to the calf] 

  Prisoner : Ain't that right?

  [Calf nods and moos uh-huh] 

• Warden : Lady I know he charmed with some pleases and thank yous, but he wasn't so polite to the guy he shot.

  Apu : Actually, he was. He waited with me 'til the ambulance came then... ran like a deer.