The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Front (1993)

Hank Azaria: Roger Meyers Jr., Bobby Mindich, Documentary Narrator, Cowboy

Quotes 

• Roger Meyers Jr. : If I puked in a fountain pen and mailed it to the monkey house, I'd get better scripts.

  Writer #1 : But, sir, at Harvard...

  Roger Meyers Jr. : Oh, at Harvard they taught you? Hit the streets, egghead! You should've majored in not getting fired!

• Roger Meyers Jr. : You're a comedy writer? My god, you're so old.

  Grampa : I want my check!

  Roger Meyers Jr. : [laughing]  You're a writer, all right. All right, here you go, Simpson.

  Grampa : I want another one!

  Roger Meyers Jr. : You're a funny guy. How would you like a staff job? I'll start you at $800 a week.

  Grampa : My chest hurts.

• Bobby Mindich : [handing out alumni awards]  First, the award for the alumnus who's gained the most weight. Homer Simpson.

  Homer : [running up to accept it]  Oh, my god!

  Bobby Mindich : How'd you do it, Homer?

  Homer : I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch.

• Roxie : Sir, a Lisa and Bart Simpson sent you a script.

  Roger Meyers Jr. : Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  [reading the accompanying note] 

  Roger Meyers Jr. : "Dear, Mr. Meyers. My brother and I watch your show. You should be proud that children everywhere..." blah, blah, blah, bling-bling-bling, blah.

  [crumpling it up] 

  Roger Meyers Jr. : Hey, egghead! Sing "Fair Harvard".

  Writer #1 : [singing]  Fair, Harvard, I...

  [Meyers throws the note into his mouth] 

  Writer #1 : [taking it out]  You, sir, have the boorish manners of a Yalie.

  Roger Meyers Jr. : Here's a witty rejoinder for ya!

  [he throws his nameplate at the writer, which hits him in the forehead] 

• Bobby Mindich : And now, the award for most improved odor. Homer Simpson.

  Homer : Yes!

  Bobby Mindich : And the person who traveled the least distance to be here...

  [Southern accent] 

  Bobby Mindich : Well, kiss my grits. Homer Simpson.

  Homer : [accepting the award]  What can I say? It hasn't been easy staying in my rut.

  Principal Dondelinger : [clearing his throat]  Ahem. Class of '74, I was just, uh, leafing through your permanent records when I discovered something shocking. Homer Simpson never passed Remedial Science 1A and thus never graduated from high school. I'm sorry, Simpson, I'm gonna have to take back those awards.

• Writer #1 : Sir, you locked my office, and I wanted to get my Harvard mug.

  Roger Meyers Jr. : [throwing his nameplate again]  Shut up!

• Roger Meyers Jr. : Hey, how would you kids like a tour of the studio?

  Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : Yay!

  Roger Meyers Jr. : Abe, you coming?

  Grampa : Any stairs?

  Roger Meyers Jr. : Just one.

  Grampa : Nuts to you.

• Roger Meyers Jr. : Good news, Abe.

  Grampa : Who are you?

  Roger Meyers Jr. : [laughing]  No, no, you've been nominated for an award. You're so good, I fired the other writers. From now on, the fate of the entire company rests on that delightful coconut of yours.

  Grampa : Oh, no, we're all doomed. I'm a complete fraud.

  Roger Meyers Jr. : Huh? Sorry, I didn't catch any of that.

  [checking his watch] 

  Roger Meyers Jr. : And now I gotta go.

• Lisa Simpson : Wow, it must be expensive to produce all these cartoons.

  Roger Meyers Jr. : [passing by the same water cooler and janitor numerous times]  Well, we cut corners. Sometimes, to save money, our animators will reuse the same backgrounds over and over and over again.