- [Homer calls the real estate agent in a rage after finding an Indian burial ground in the basement]
- Homer: Mr. Pote, Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing. You didn't tell me it was built on an Indian burial ground!
- [pause]
- Homer: NO, YOU DIDN'T!
- [pause]
- Homer: Well, that's not my recollection.
- [pause]
- Homer: Yeah, well... all right. Good-bye.
- [hangs up the phone and turns to Marge]
- Homer: He says he mentioned it five or six times.
- Narrator: Quoth the raven...
- Bart: Eat my shorts!
- Lisa Simpson: Bart, stop it! He says, "Nevermore", and that's all he'll ever say.
- The House: You will diiiiieeeee. You will die slowwwwwwwly. Your stomach will swelllllllll, your intestines will wriiiithe and booooil. Your eeeeeyes will buuuuurst. And some horrible stuuuuuuuff, possibly your braiiiiin, will start coming out through your noooooooose.
- Marge Simpson: [Infuriated] SHUSH! SHUT UP! QUIT TRYING TO PUSH US AROUND, STOP SAYING THOSE HORRIBLE THINGS AND SHOW SOME MANNERS!
- [normal tone]
- Marge Simpson: Look at me, I've never been so angry my hands are shaking.
- Homer: Better than your eyes bursting, ew.
- The House: Hmm. Life with the Simpsons. What choice do I have?
- [the house implodes in on itself]
- Bart: Bitchin!
- Lisa Simpson: It chose to destroy itself rather then live with us. You can't help but feel a little rejected.
- Lisa Simpson: [about the basement of the house] Mom, dad, look! It's an ancient Indian burial ground.
- Bart: Man, this place's got everything!
- Lisa Simpson: Why are you trying to scare us, Are you trying to keep us from getting close to you maybe even loving you.
- The House: Leave me alone!
- Marge Simpson: Don't talk to her like that!
- The House: Hey listen lady!
- Marge Simpson: [Extremely offended and mad] OH, don't call me lady my name is Marge Simpson this is my family we're not going anywhere, we're all going to have to live together so you better get used to it.
- Marge Simpson: This family has had its differences and we've squabbled, but we've never had knife fights before.
- Marge Simpson: You speak English.
- Kang: I am actually speaking Rigellian; by an astonishing coincidence, both of our languages are exactly the same.
- Lisa Simpson: STOP! Don't you see what's happening here? Theyr'e fattening us up so they can eat us!
- Homer: Come on, Lisa.
- [along with other mumbles by the family]
- Lisa Simpson: If you don't believe me, then just look at this book that I found!
- [holding up the books that reads: How to Cook Humans; they all gasp]
- Homer: Whoa, she's right!
- Kang: Humans, you have stopped eating...
- Homer: Listen you big stupid space creature: Nobody, but nobody eats the Simpsons!
- Kang: I beg your pardon?
- Homer: Don't play dumb with me, we found your book.
- Kang: What? You mean this? It's a harmless cook book; it's just a little dusty.
- [he opens a panel on his clear head casing and blows on it; now the book reads: How to Cook For Humans]
- Bart: Ahhh...
- [Bart exhales in relief]
- Lisa Simpson: Wait a minutes...
- [she blows on it; now the book reads: How to Cook Forty Humans]
- Lisa Simpson: Ah-ha!
- Kang: Wait - there's still more space dust on here...
- [he blows on the book cover again; now it reads: How to Cook for Forty Humans]
- Kang: Let me get this straight, you thought...
- Kodos: They thought we were going to eat them!
- Kang: We offered you paradise. You would have experienced emotions a hundred times greater than what you call "Love". And a thousand times greater than what you call "Fun". You would have been treated like Gods, and lived forever in beauty, but now, because of your distrustful nature, that can never be.
- Marge Simpson: Um, for a superior race they really rub it in.
- Bart: Wait a minute, that's a school book.
- Lisa Simpson: Don't worry, Bart, you won't learn anything.
- Marge Simpson: I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars.
- Homer: Don't be so stubborn! We're not talking about a few dollars, we're talking about a few thousand dollars.
- Narrator: Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer...
- Homer: Sir...
- Narrator: ...said I...
- Homer: ...or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; / But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, / And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, / That I scarce was sure I heard you.
- Narrator: Here I opened wide the door.
- Bart: This better be good.
- Narrator: Darkness there and nothing more.
- Homer: Huh?
- Bart: You know what would've been scarier than nothing?
- Lisa Simpson: What?
- Bart: Anything!
- Serak the Preparer: Here you go, earthlings. Take all you want but eat all you take.
- Marge Simpson: Oh, thank you very much, Mister...
- Serak the Preparer: To pronounce it correctly, I would have to pull out your tongue.
- Homer: Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!
- Narrator: ...I shrieked, upstarting...
- Homer: Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore! / Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! / Leave my loneliness unbroken!-quit the bust above my door! / Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!
- Narrator: Quoth the Raven...
- Bart: Nevermore.
- Homer: [quietly] Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door.
- Narrator: Quoth the Raven...
- Bart: Nevermore!
- Homer: Why you little!
- Bart: Uh-oh!