- Interviewer: I have noticed in the Italian press recently that your name has been linked with, eh, Sofia Loren...
- Vincerre G. Ventenove: Poppycock!
- Interviewer: Am I to take it, sir, that that means that it's not true?
- Vincerre G. Ventenove: Oh, no, no, no, I mean Sofia Poppycock. See, she's a much bigger star than Sofia Loren.
- The Prisoner: Five minutes, boy, for a lonely lovestarved guy alone with his girl. I'll tell you, though, it's heartless, it's really cruel. It's like giving a thirsty man five drops of water in a leaky bucket.
- Announcer: Portions of the first half of the Sonny and Cher Show have been send to our armed forces overseas. Stay tuned for the second half, when they'll be returned.
- Pierre the French chef: [to Luigi] As a waiter you are a disgrace.
- [to the audience]
- Pierre the French chef: As a Frenchman, so am I.
- Pierre the French chef: You win, Monsieur Sonny. I am disgraced and humiliated. There's only one thing left to do, ze 'onorable thing, I am going to end it all by falling on my wooden spoon.