South Park (TV Series)

Christian Rock Hard (2003)

Matt Stone: Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Butters, Gerald Broflovski, F.B.I. Agent #2, Sanctified Band Member #2, Sanctified Band Member #3

Quotes 

• Butters Stotch : [to an old lady buying their album]  We're not really Christian. We're just pretending we are.

  Cartman : [the old lady walks away]  Butters, remind me later to cut your balls off.

• Token : [to Cartman]  Good job, dickhead! We lost the entire audience!

  Cartman : Ah, fuck you Token, you black asshole!

  [Token kicks the crap out of Cartman and leaves him coughing on all fours] 

  Stan : Hmm, guess he got what he deserved.

  Butters : [Standing around Cartman, then after a while he farts on Cartman and gives him the finger]  Fuck you, Eric.

• Sanctified Band Member #1 : [a band walks by]  Is this the way to the stage?

  Eric Cartman : Who are you?

  Sanctified Band Member #1 : We're the band Sanctified. We play metal and punk, but with lyrics that inspire faith in Christ.

  Sanctified Band Member #2 : We proved that Christian music can be tough and hardcore.

  Eric Cartman : [sarcastically]  Yeah, you guys are real hardcore.

  Sanctified Band Member #1 : You bet your gosh-darn rear end we are!

• Eric Cartman : [when Cartman learns he's lost the bet]  God damn it!

  Michael Collins : Oh, please don't take the Lord's name in vain.

  Eric Cartman : Who cares? I lost the bet because you stupid assholes don't give out platinum albums.

  Michael Collins : But you spread the word of the lord. You brought faith in Jesus.

  Eric Cartman : Oh, fuck Jesus!

  Butters Stotch : [afraid the crowd gasps]  Eric, I'm pretty sure that you shouldn't say the F-word about Jesus.

  Token Williams : Yeah, you're gonna hurt the band.

  Eric Cartman : Who fucking cares, Token? I can never beat Kyle now. I'll say it again. Fuck Jesus!

• Kyle Broflovski : Christian rock?

  Eric Cartman : Think about it. It's the easiest crappiest music in the world, right? If we just play songs about how much we love Jesus, all the Christians will buy our crap.

• Michael Collins : Boys, in recognition of over one million records sold, the Christian recording industry is pleased to present you with this myrrh album.

  Eric Cartman : Thank you... Myrrh album?

  Stan Marsh : I thought albums went either gold or platinum.

  Michael Collins : No, no, in Christian rock, our albums go gold and frankincense and myrrh. Congratulations.

  Kyle Broflovski : Ha! Our bet was that you would get a platinum album, not a myrrh album. I don't owe you anything, fat boy.

  Eric Cartman : Do you mean to tell me I can never get a platinum album with a Christian rock band?

  Michael Collins : No, but you can go double myrrh.

  Eric Cartman : God damn it!