Star Trek: The Next Generation (TV Series)
Deja Q (1990)
John de Lancie: Q
Photos
Quotes
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Capt. Picard : Return that moon to its orbit.
Q : I have no powers! Q the ordinary.
Capt. Picard : Q the liar! Q the misanthrope!
Q : Q the miserable, Q the desperate! What must I do to convince you people?
Lieutenant Worf : Die.
Q : Oh, very clever, Worf. Eat any good books lately?
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Q : I've been entirely preoccupied by a most frightening experience of my own. A couple of hours ago, I realized that my body was no longer functioning properly. I felt weak, I could no longer stand. The life was oozing out of me, I lost consciousness.
Capt. Picard : You fell asleep.
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[Q has made appear two scantily clad women to fawn on Riker]
Commander William T. Riker : I don't need your fantasy women.
Q : Oh, you're so stolid! You weren't like that before the beard.
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Q : [analyzing the cause for the Bre'el IV moon's trajectory] This is obviously the result of a large celestial object passing through at near right angles to the plane of the star system. Probably a black hole.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Can you recommend a way to counter the effect?
Q : Simple. Change the gravitational constant of the universe.
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Lt. Cmdr. Data : Captain, the aliens have disappeared. And so has the shuttle.
Commander William T. Riker : Scan the sector.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : I have, sir.
Capt. Picard : Well... I suppose that is the end of Q.
[with a flash, Q appears on the bridge with a trumpet, accompanied by a mariachi band]
Q : AU CONTRAIRE, MON CAPITAINE! HE'S BACK!
[the band starts playing, accompanied by Q with gusto]
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Q : There are creatures in the universe who would consider you the ultimate achievement, android. No feelings, no emotions, no pain... And yet you covet those qualities of humanity. Believe me, you're missing nothing. But if it means anything to you - you're a better human than I.
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Q : Until next time. Ah, but... before I go, there's a debt I wish to repay, to my professor of the humanities. Data, I've decided to give you something very, very special.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : If your intention is to make me human, Q...
Q : No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I would never curse you by making you human. Think of it... as a going-away present.
[he disappears. Data suddenly starts laughing out of control]
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Data... Data, why are you laughing?
[Data calms down, somewhat bemused]
Lt. Cmdr. Data : I do not know. But it was a wonderful... feeling.
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Q : I'm no longer a member of the Continuum. My superiors have decided to punish me!
Capt. Picard : And punish us as well, it would seem.
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Q2 : There's still this matter of the selfless act. Now, you and I both know that the Calamarain would have eventually destroyed the Enterprise to get to you. And that's really why you left, right?
Q : It was a teeny bit selfless, wasn't it?
Q2 : [exasperated] GRRR, yeah, and there is my problem! See, I can't go back to the Continuum and tell them that you committed a selfless act just before the end. If I do, there's gonna be questions, there's gonna be explanations for centuries!
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Q : My life as a human being has been a dismal failure. Perhaps my death will have a little dignity.
Capt. Picard : Q, there is no dignity in this suicide.
Q : Yes, I suppose you're right; death of a coward then, so be it. But as a human, I would have died of boredom.
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Q : Ah, Dr. Crusher. I see Starfleet has shipped you back into exile.
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Lieutenant Worf : Be quiet! Or disappear back where you came from.
Q : I can't disappear - any more than you could win a beauty contest.
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Q : I'm forgiven! My brothers and sisters of the Continuum have taken me back. I'm immortal again! Omnipotent again!
Commander William T. Riker : Swell.
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[Q tries unsuccessfully to convince Worf that he has truly become an ordinary human]
Lieutenant Worf : You have fooled us too often, Q.
Q : Oh, perspicacity incarnate. Please don't feel compelled now to tell me the story of "The Boy Who Cried 'Worf'".
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Capt. Picard : Fine. You want to be treated as human?
Q : Absolutely.
Capt. Picard : All right. Mr. Worf - throw him in the brig!
Lieutenant Worf : Delighted, Captain.
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Q : You're right, of course. I'm extraordinarily selfish. But it has served me so well in the past.
Capt. Picard : It'll not serve you here.
Q : Don't be so hard on me, Jean-Luc. You've been a mortal all your life, you know all about dying. I've never given it a second thought. Or a first one, for that matter. I could've been killed. If it hadn't been for Data and that one brief delay he created, I would've been gone. No more me... And no one would have missed me, would they?
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Lt. Cmdr. Data : I have observed that the selection of food is often influenced by the mood of the person ordering.
Q : I'm in a dreadful mood. Get me something appropriate.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : When Counselor Troi is unhappy, she usually eats something chocolate.
Q : Chocolate?
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Mm. A chocolate sundae for example. Although I do not speak from personal experience, I have seen it have a profound psychological impact.
Q : [to waitress] I'll have ten chocolate sundaes.
Waitress : Ten?
Lt. Cmdr. Data : I have never seen anyone eat ten chocolate sundaes.
Q : I'm in a really bad mood. And since I've never eaten before, I should be... very hungry.
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[last lines]
Capt. Picard : Perhaps there's a... residue of humanity in Q after all.
[raises his hand]
Capt. Picard : Ensign, en...
[with a flash, a cigar appears in his hand, with a miniature of Q's head floating in the smoke]
Q : Don't bet on it, Picard.
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Q : It was a mistake. I never should have picked human. I knew it the moment I said it. To think of a future in this shell... forced to cover myself with a fabric because of some outdated human morality, to say nothing of being too hot or too cold. Growing feeble with age, losing my hair, catching a disease, being ticklish, sneezing, having an itch, a pimple, bad breath...
[looks at Worf]
Q : Having to *bathe!*
Lieutenant Worf : Too bad!
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[Q appears hovering, naked, and drops to the floor]
Q : [smiling] Red alert!
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Counselor Deanna Troi : They made you human as part of your punishment?
Q : No, it was my request. I could have chosen to exist as a Markoffian sea lizard, or a Belzoidian flea - anything I wished, as long as it was mortal. And since I had only a fraction of a second to mull, I chose this, and asked them to bring me here.
Counselor Deanna Troi : Why?
Q : [to Picard] Because in all the universe, you're the closest thing I have to a friend, Jean-Luc.
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[Q is sitting with Data at the bar in Ten Forward, when Guinan enters]
Q : This is not a moment I've been looking forward to.
Guinan : [approaching] I hear they drummed you out of the Continuum.
Q : I like to think of it as a significant career change.
Guinan : Just one of the boys, eh?
Q : One of the boys with an IQ of two thousand and five.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : The Captain and many of the crew are not yet convinced he is truly human.
Guinan : Really?
[Guinan picks up a sharp-tined fork and stabs the back of Q's hand, who screams in pain]
Guinan : Seems human enough to me.
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Q : These aren't my colors!
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Q : [of La Forge] Who does he think he is, giving me orders?
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Geordi thinks he is in command here - and he is correct.
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Q : Picard thinks I can't cut it on his starship. I can do anything his little-trained minions can do.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : I do not perceive your skills to be in doubt, Q. The Captain is merely concerned with your ability to successfully interact with his little-trained minions.
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Lt. Cmdr. Data : Of more immediate importance is your ability to work within groups.
Q : I'm not good in groups. It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent.
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[Dr. Crusher is treating Q's back problems rather roughly]
Doctor Beverly Crusher : Well, don't expect too much sympathy from me. You have been a pain in *our* backside often enough.
Q : [groans] Your bedside manner's admirable, Doctor. I'm sure your patients recover quickly, just to get away from you!
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Q : As I learn more and more what it is to be human, I am more and more convinced that I would never make a good one. I don't have what it takes. Without my powers, I'm frightened of everything. I'm a coward. And I'm miserable. And I can't go on this way.
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Q : It is a joke - joke on me, joke of the universe. The king who would be man.
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[Picard releases Q from the brig]
Capt. Picard : If you are human, which I seriously doubt, you will have to work hard to earn our trust.
Q : I'm not worried about that, Jean-Luc. You only dislike me. There are others in the cosmos who truly despise me.
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Q : [about the Calamarain, which he has tortured in the past] They simply have no sense of humor - a character flaw with which you can personally identify.
Commander William T. Riker : I say we turn him over to them.
Q : Oh, well, I take it back. You do have a sense of humor, a dreadful one at that.
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Q : You have a moon in a deteriorating orbit. I've known moons through the universe - big ones, small ones. I'm an expert. I could help you with this one, if you let me out of here.
Capt. Picard : Q, there are millions of lives at risk. If you have the power...
Q : I don't have any powers! But I have the knowledge, locked up in this puny brain. You cannot afford to not take that advantage, can you?
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Guinan : [referring to Data] You could learn a lot from this one.
Q : Sure, the robot who teaches the course in humanities.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : I am an android, not a robot.
Q : [sarcastically] I beg your pardon.
Guinan : I'd enjoy that. And you'd better get used to it.
Q : What?
Guinan : Begging! You're a pitiful excuse for a human. The only way you're gonna survive is on the charity of others.
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Q : I think I just hurt my back. I'm feeling pain... I don't like it. What's the right thing to say, 'ow'?
Lt. Cmdr. Data , Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : 'Ow'.
Q : OW! I can't straighten up!
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Q : I know human beings. They're all sopping over with compassion and forgiveness. They can't wait to absolve... almost any offense. It's an inherent weakness of the breed.
Capt. Picard : On the contrary, it is a strength.
Q : You call it what you will. But I think you'll protect me, even though I've tormented you now and again.
Commander William T. Riker : Fighting off all the species which you've insulted would be a full-time mission. That's not the one I signed up for.
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Q : You can't do this to me, Jean-Luc.
Lieutenant Worf : [grabs Q's arm and starts to pull] You will walk or I will carry you.
Q : Given the option, I - I'll walk. You disappointment me, Jean-Luc. I'm disappointed.
[Worf and Q enter turbolift]
Q : Hey, I'm claustrophobic. I don't like it in here.
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Lt. Cmdr. Data : I have the curiosity of humans; but there are questions that I will never have the answers to - what it is like to laugh or... or cry. Or to experience any human emotions.
Q : Hm - well, if you ask me, these human emotions are not what they're cracked up to be.
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Q : One creature's torment is another creature's delight.
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Q : [the Enterprise is trying to correct the orbit of a moon with the ship's tractor beam before it collides with the planet Bre'el IV] And if you're wrong the moon will crumble due to subspace compression. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : Shut up, Q.
Q : [suddenly rising] I will not be spoken to in this manner!
Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge : [as if to say deal with him] Data.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Q, I strongly suggest that you cooperate.
[Q reluctantly returns to his seat in Engineering]
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Q : What do you like?
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Although I do not require sustenance, I occasionally ingest a semi-organic nutrient suspension in a silicone-based liquid medium.
Q : Is it good?
Lt. Cmdr. Data : It would be more accurate to say it is good for me, as it lubricates my bio-functions.
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Doctor Beverly Crusher : [Beverly examines Q with a medical tricorder] Well, if I didn't see it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it. According to this, you have classic back trauma. Muscle spasms.
Q : I've been under a lot of pressure lately. Family problems.
Doctor Beverly Crusher : Hmm, well don't expect too much sympathy from me. You have been a pain in our backside often enough.
Q : [Beverly gleefully runs a medical instrument over Q's back, and he cries out in pain] Your bedside manner's admirable, Doctor. I'm sure your patients recover quickly just to get away from you.
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[When Q usually appears, he dons a red command uniform with captain's rank pips. But in this story. being powerless, he appeared nude. He was given a gray outfit with olive green shirt, which he hated. Later, a second Q -- Q2 -- appears to talk to Q. Q2's body is clothed the same way as Q]
Q2 : [squints disgustedly at Q's outfit, then realizes he's wearing the same thing] Bleah... what a dreadful color!
Q : Yeah...
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Q : [having just had his powers reinstated, Q shrinks the Calamarain into a floating cloud just above his hand] If you think I've tormented you in the past, just wait until you see what I do with you now.
Q2 : [giving a stern warning as a floating head nearby] Q!
Q : Just checking to see if you were still listening.
