- Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Stacy, the day you were born, your father was somewhere on a narcotics stakeout and couldn't be reached. On the first day of your life, I was the first one to hold you. In addition to your experience, I gotta tell ya, I can't let you go out on the street and be the target for some deranged animal.
- Officer Vince Romano: Sleeping like a pretzel is one thing, but sleeping like a pretzel when a Circus Burger does flip-flops in your belly is beyond the call of duty.
- Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Who said police work was easy?
- Officer Vince Romano: Hooker, the decoy situation. Sometimes it can't be ideal, but I think they're doing the right thing.
- Sgt. T.J. Hooker: That's the problem around here, Junior. Too many people who don't know are doing the thinking.
- Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Bartender, I'm looking for Carl Leland. I heard he hangs out here.
- Bartender: We serve drinks here, not information. You want a drink?
- Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I want Carl Leland.
- Bartender: Buzz off, cop.