Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

It Was Mame, Mom (2005)

Jon Cryer: Alan Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alan Harper : If we're going to be a couple, I wanna be the husband.

  Charlie Harper : [Mockingly]  Who's gonna believe you're the husband!

  Alan Harper : Hey, of the two of us, I'm the only one who's *been* a husband!

  Charlie Harper : [Mockingly]  You really thought you were the husband in your marriage?

  Alan Harper : Nevertheless... I'm going to be the husband in *this* one.

  Charlie Harper : [Said after Alan walks out of the room]  Well, la-di-dah!

• Alan Harper : Oh, boy. Charlie, we need to talk.

  Charlie Harper : For the last time, you look stunning.

  Alan Harper : No, we need to get our story straight.

  Charlie Harper : What story?

  Alan Harper : We're supposed to be a couple. I mean, uh, how long have we been together? How did we meet?

  Charlie Harper : Okay, fine. I met you in Thailand and bought you from a guy.

  Alan Harper : I am serious. If we're going to pull this off, we need to be convincing. I mean, do we have a favorite song? Cute names for each other? I mean, I don't even know if we're dog people or cat people.

  Charlie Harper : Oh, I forgot to tell you. The guy I bought you from in Thailand had your vocal cords removed.