Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Pilot (2003)

Angus T. Jones: Jake Harper

Quotes 

• Jake : Why is your head exploding?

  Charlie : Well, I drank a little too much wine last night.

  Jake : If it makes you feel bad, why do you drink it?

  Charlie : Nobody likes a wise-ass, Jake.

  Jake : You have to put a dollar in the swear jar. You said "ass".

  Charlie : Tell you what. Here's $20. That should cover me until lunch.

• Jake : Your mom is my grandma?

  Charlie : Yep.

  Jake : Grandma says you're a bitter disappointment.

• [Charlie tells Jake he wrote the song to a cereal jingle] 

  Jake : No lying?

  Charlie : Kid, if I wanted to lie to you, I would have said I wrote "Stairway to Heaven".