- Buzzy Milker: [leering at Jennifer] I'm not as old as I look.
- Jennifer Marlowe: [amused] Really? Are you any richer than you look?
- [causing poor old Buzzy to walk away shamefaced]
- Wayne R. Coe: [to Mr. Carlson and Herb] I represent a group of your former listeners - devoted fans of the kind of music you used to play. Haters of rock 'n' roll. We're a small bunch, admittedly, but we're a determined fringe element that cannot be counted upon to do the sensible thing.
- Les Nessman: [about the protesters] Mr. Carlson, as news director of this station, I demand to know what's going on here.
- Arthur Carlson: Well, your worst fears have been realized, Les. That group out in the lobby? They're Cubans.
- Les Nessman: Oh, no...
- Arthur Carlson: Yep, it's a plot. I think the Red Chinese are behind it.
- Les Nessman: Somehow I always thought we'd be safe from that sort of thing here in Cincinnati.
- Andy Travis: Got any ideas?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: No, I try not to have any ideas. They only lead to complications.
- Andy Travis: [frustrated] I tell you, you are a big help.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Suppose I give you a great idea. Let's suppose that this great idea works and the station starts making a lot of money. Do you know what that can lead to, Andy? Memos. Then, before you know it, assigned parking spaces. Then chrome furniture, lots of paintings of wistful children with big eyes. Believe me, I've seen it happen before!
- Andy Travis: All right, all right, don't get all shook up, you don't have to help.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: But don't you see? No one should!
- Bailey Quarters: [entering uncertainly] Excuse me, Andy, am I interrupting anything important?
- Andy Travis: Uh, believe me, it's nothing important.
- Bailey Quarters: Well, Andy, I, uh, uh... I sort of had an idea. It's, uh, pretty bad, I bet.
- Bailey Quarters: [scoffing] Probably something we shouldn't do.
- [Bailey gives a self-conscious giggle]
- Andy Travis: Bailey...
- Bailey Quarters: [very self-conscious] But I read about it somewhere.
- Andy Travis: Bailey!
- Bailey Quarters: Yes?
- Andy Travis: What's the idea?
- Bailey Quarters: Well, there's a station in Atlanta that sponsors a raft race. Maybe we should do something like that.
- Andy Travis: [placing an encouraging arm around Bailey's shoulders] Well, that's... that's a pretty good idea, except I'm afraid the Ohio river runs a little fast. People could get killed.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [unmoved by such prospects] Nobody said it was gonna be easy. Next problem?
- Andy Travis: Johnny, please...
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [shaking his head] Okay, I got a perfect idea. Way I see it, we start with, uh, Bailey, and Jennifer, uh, a sizable crowd, uh, a certain amount of nudity...
- Venus Flytrap: Here, here!
- Andy Travis: [urgently whispering] Johnny, sit down.
- [Johnny obeys and sits down]
- Les Nessman: [entering the room] Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, but I have a question about my news program.
- Andy Travis: Oh sure, Les.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [to Venus] You know, we could blow the station up. That would grab the headlines.
- Venus Flytrap: Or we could just burn it down.
- Bailey Quarters: [to Andy] I like the nudity idea better.
- Les Nessman: [just before leaving the room] Perhaps I could come back later.
- Protesters: Let's go home!
- Wayne R. Coe: I am certainly not going to chant this by myself.
- Bailey Quarters: [helpful, offering him beverages] Well, I'll chant with you, Mr. Coe.
- Wayne R. Coe: It wouldn't be the same thing.
- Jennifer Marlowe: [entering] Good morning, Mr. Carlson. Here are your telephone messages.
- Arthur Carlson: [taking, then promptly throwing the telephone messages into the wastepaper basket, as Jennifer raises her eyes] Oh, thank you, Jennifer. Listen, I've been thinking, if I were gonna put another door in here, where would you put it?
- Jennifer Marlowe: Uh... probably over there... it would lead out into the hall, and that way, if anything important came up, you could leave through there, and hide in the back.
- Arthur Carlson: [chuckles] You know, Jennifer, you're a very smart woman. I'll bet most men are amazed by your, uh... I mean, well, the first thing... the first thing they'd notice is, of course, is your... your presence, shall we say... uh?
- Arthur Carlson: [as Andy peeks in, and wiping his brow in relief] Oh, Travis, thank goodness.
- Andy Travis: May I see you, sir?
- Arthur Carlson: [shepherding Jennifer out] By all means, come in, come in. Would you excuse us for just a minute?
- Jennifer Marlowe: Oh, certainly.
- Arthur Carlson: Listen, Jennifer, what I was trying to say...
- Jennifer Marlowe: [smiling] I know. And thank you.
- Arthur Carlson: [in a relieved tone as Jennifer leaves] Oh. Oh, thank you. Eh, what do you want, Travis? Couldn't you see I was having a meeting in here?
- [Mr. Carlson is about to head into his office while Jennifer is sitting at her desk meticulously dusting her plant]
- Arthur Carlson: Tell Travis I want to see him in my office.
- Jennifer Marlowe: [Jennifer continues to dust her plant] All righty.
- Arthur Carlson: [turns back to look at Jennifer as she seemingly ignores his request] And I'd also like to see Herb in there too.
- Jennifer Marlowe: [Jennifer continues to dust her plant] Okeedokie.
- Arthur Carlson: [wanting Jennifer to get to his request] Just send 'em right on in... as soon as possible.
- Jennifer Marlowe: [Jennifer continues to dust her plant] No problem.
- [frustrated at Jennifer's lack of attentiveness to him, Mr. Carlson turns to go into his office, where Andy and Herb are already seated]
- Arthur Carlson: [confused] Herb. Travis. What are you guys doing in here?
- Andy Travis: Jennifer said you wanted to see us.
- Arthur Carlson: [still confused] When?
- Andy Travis: Yesterday.
- Arthur Carlson: Oh, oh...
- Herb Tarlek: You don't remember calling this meeting?
- [there are a small group of protesters in the station lobby]
- Protesters: [chanting] Heck no, we won't go. Heck no, we won't go. Heck no, we won't go. Heck no, we won't go.
- Andy Travis: Wait a minute, folks. What do you all want?
- Mrs. Burstyn: Justice.
- Buzzy Milker: Girls.
- Arthur Carlson: I tell you, we had a group of crackpots standing over there. They were attacking everything. They were attacking rock 'n' roll, WKRP, me and pay toilets.