Scrubs (TV Series)

My Way Home (2006)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Photos 

Quotes 

• J.D. : [walks into hospital soaking wet]  You're not aware of any sort of odd underground canal system beneath the hospital, are you? I think I saw a manatee.

  The Janitor : Was his name Julian?

  J.D. : We didn't exchange pleasantries.

  The Janitor : That's Julian.

• J.D. : Right, And where do we meet up in heaven

  Turk : by the milkshake pool on the lesbian cloud

• Dr. Cox : Your endocrinology fellowship lasted all of five days. Granted, to you five days may seem like an eternity as it's roughly five times as long as any of your pasty relationships have lasted. But trust me, that hardly makes you an expert.

  Elliot : Oh really? Because you never went to assface school, but you seem to be an expert at that. Am I right?

  J.D. : [didn't hear conversation, but high-fives Elliot]  Here's some!

  Dr. Cox : You're going to high five THAT? Bi-hig mistake.

  J.D. : I didn't know what I was high-fiving. I gotta stop doing that.

  Elliot : Did you eat my mango body butter?

  J.D. : No.

  [thinking] 

  J.D. : I smeared it on a bagel.

• J.D. : Living with Elliot was certainly different. Every inch of her apartment was filled with girly stuff. There were lavender-scented candles, pink robes, bath salts... It was awesome!

• The Janitor : Kelso's starting new line painting to help people get around. Green's gonna go to the smokers's lounge, blue is for the I.C.U., yellow to all the exits.

  J.D. : What's red for?

  The Janitor : Sneaker painting.

  [he sprays J.D.'s white sneakers red] 

• J.D. : [to Keith]  Why would you page me?

  Dr. Cox : Because I told him to, and I know what you're thinking Dorothy, why would I have your intern call you in on one of your very precious days off for something so gosh darn trivial. But the real question ought to be: why when YOU were an intern did you call me in time, after time, after time, after time. So now, to commemorate the first of many unnecessary disruptions of your life, I've invited Laverne's church choir here to summarize my feelings in exuberant song.

  Choir : [sung]  Payback is a bitch!

  Nurse Roberts : [sung]  Mm-hmm!

  Choir : [sung]  Payback is a bitch!

  Nurse Roberts : [sung]  Ohhhhhh, yeah... ..

  Choir : [sung]  Payback is a bitch!

  Nurse Roberts : [sung]  Ye-eah...

  Choir : [sung]  Payback is a bitch! Oh-oh-oooooh......

  Nurse Roberts : [sung]  It's just the beginning! But it's payback! Oh, it's payback!

  Choir : [sung]  Payback is a bitch!

  Nurse Roberts : [sung]  Pay-back!

  Choir : [sung]  Payback is a bitch!

  Nurse Roberts : [sung]  Pay-back!

  Choir : [sung]  Payback is a bitch!

  Nurse Roberts : [sung]  Oh, lord!

  Choir : [sung]  Payback is a bitch!

• J.D. : A hospital can sometimes feel like a magical place, where people's hopes and dreams are often far from ordinary. Whether they're looking for brains, a heart, or courage. As for me, I was just gonna keep on following that yellow line and hope I'd eventually get back home.

• Turk : Now how do I tell these people they should let their son go?

  J.D. : Just try and imagine what they're going through. I mean, sometimes I think about what it's gonna be like when you die.

  Turk : Because you think I'm going first due to my Diabetes.

  J.D. : Right. And where do we meet up in heaven?

  Turk : At the milkshake pool on the lesbian cloud!

  J.D. : I'll see you there playa! I love religion. The point is Turk, if someone tried to pull the plug on you without being totally honest with me, you know where they'd end up?

  Turk : In hell watching 'The View'!

  J.D. : Next to the Super High Unreachable Cupcake Table.

• [hitting JD after speaking while in a body bag thinking he's a dead person] 

  J.D. : Doug, why are you hitting me?

  Doug Murphy : Cause I thought you were a dead person coming back to life.

  J.D. : Then why were you hitting me?

  Doug Murphy : Dead people should be dead!

• Elliot : J.D., there is just no way that I'm going to be able to pull this off. In a few hours, I'm going to have a room full of specialists firing questions at me. I gonna be a bigger fraud than Barry Bonds!

  J.D. : [Voice over]  OK, you knew he's an athlete of some kind. Just say something general.

  [Out loud] 

  J.D. : Still, I love it when Bonds wins at the game that he plays.