- Jack Benny: You've been with me a long time. You don't have to be so formal. From now on, you can call me by my first name.
- Dennis Day: Okay, what is it?
- Jack Benny: It's Quincy. Quincy Benny.
- Dennis Day: Then why does everybody call you Jack?
- Mrs. Day: Well I don't want you to pick on my boy, Dennis.
- Jack Benny: Well I've got a right to pick on him. Been with me for 17 years, he made me a nervous wreck. There isn't a Sunday, he doesn't drive me nuts.
- Mrs. Day: Well what are you complaining about? We've got him the rest of the week.
- Don Wilson: My being fat is all your fault.
- Jack Benny: My fault?
- Don Wilson: For years, I wanted to go on a diet, but I knew if I got thin, it would ruin all your jokes about me on the show. So I stayed the way I am for the good of the show.