- Mike Nelson: Hi, folks. Mike Nelson here. Crow and Servo are about to help me with the annual Satellite of Love safety check. You guys ready?
- Crow T. Robot: Roger.
- Tom Servo: Ramjet.
- Mike Nelson: Fire extinguisher?
- Tom Servo: Empty.
- Crow T. Robot: Shot it off in your face. Next.
- Mike Nelson: Okay. Flare gun?
- Tom Servo: Did it.
- Crow T. Robot: Shot it off in your face. Next.
- Mike Nelson: First aid kit?
- Tom Servo: Used it to treat your flare burns.
- Mike Nelson: Right. Parachute?
- Crow T. Robot: Gym class.
- Mike Nelson: Life vest?
- Tom Servo: Faulty.
- Mike Nelson: Ham radio?
- Crow T. Robot: Mistook it for an actual ham.
- Mike Nelson: There, the Satellite of Love is completely unsafe. Hey, does anything work?
- Tom Servo: Yeah, the toaster over. We used it to bake the ham radio. Mmmm.
- Mike Nelson: Oh, OK, well then. We're dead. We'll be right back
- Crow T. Robot: Come on, Mike, we're gonna go stick our heads in the towel dispenser.
- Tom Servo: Weeee.
- Coily: [as a man is unable to dial a phone] No springs!
- [cackles]
- Crow T. Robot: Oh, and no redemption, by the way.
- Tom Servo: [as Coily agrees to take back Gilbert's wish] So, Coily waited all eternity for this moment, and he backs down almost instantly?
- Mike Nelson: [as the title "Squirm" appears on the screen] I don't know why, but okay.
- [Mike, Crow, and Servo all squirm around in their seats]
- Gilbert: I hope I never see another spring as long as I live!
- [Coily appears]
- Tom Servo: [as Coily] I anticipated your complaint!
- Coily: So, you never want to see another spring, eh? Okay, mister, I'll fix it so you get that wish!
- Crow T. Robot: In Hell!
- Gilbert: Why, it's practically impossible to name a single thing in which some sort of spring isn't essential in one way or another.
- [he looks up]
- Crow T. Robot: Oh, look, God has a spring!