The Simpsons (TV Series)

Duffless (1993)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier

Quotes 

• Marge Simpson : Homey, I'd like you to do something for me.

  Homer Simpson : You name it.

  Marge Simpson : I want you to give up beer for a month.

  Homer Simpson : You got it. No deer for a month.

  Marge Simpson : Did you say beer, or deer?

  Homer Simpson : [pause]  Deer.

• Homer : [get up and yawns]  Well, time to go to work.

  Homer's Mind : Little do they know, I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.

  Homer : Roll in at nine, punch out at five; that's the plan!

  Homer's Mind : Heh, heh, heh! They don't suspect a thing.

  [beat] 

  Homer's Mind : Well, off to the plant!

  Homer : Then to the Duff Brewery...

  Homer's Mind : Uh-oh. Did I say that, or just think it?

  Homer : I gotta think of a line fast!

  Marge Simpson : Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?

  [Homer screams and runs away to his car] 

• Chief Wiggum : Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.

  Marge : Oh my god. He's dead?

  Chief Wiggum : Oh, wait, I mean DWI. I always get those two mixed up.

  [a woman walks in] 

  Woman : My name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband is DWI?

  Chief Wiggum : Uh... why don't you talk to that officer over there? I'm going out to lunch.

• Homer Simpson : What's your project for the science fair, Boy?

  Bart Simpson : I thought I'd do a study on the effects of cigarette smoking on dogs

  [Santa's Little Helper comes in with a cigarette in his mouth] 

  Marge Simpson : Bart, don't give cigarettes to the dog!

• Selma Bouvier : Thank you all for coming. We've got some very exciting new developments in the field of Supperware. This is the 128-ounce tub. You can fit your whole head in it.

  [She does so, her pet iguana recoils] 

  Selma Bouvier : Don't be scared, Jub-Jub. It's Mama.

  Homer : [under his breath]  I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

• Marge : I'm don't like you experimenting on your brother.

  Lisa Simpson : Please, mother it's purely in the interest of science.

  [thinking] 

  Lisa Simpson : That'll learn him to bust my tomater.