South Park (TV Series)

Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods (1998)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Barnaby Jones, Mr. Garrison, Cheesy Poof Spokesman, Dr. Adams, Van Gelder, Mr. Mackey, Teenager #2, Clyde, Bill, Fosse, Competition Contestant, Judge #1, Tom the News Reader, Officer Barbrady, Lighting Technician

Quotes 

• [sees Mr. Mackey try a "mind-meld" with an emotionally crippled boy] 

  Nurse Gollum : This is the strangest thing I've ever seen.

  Mr. Mackey : Please, nurse. For a woman with a dead fetus on your head, you're not being very open-minded.

• Cartman : [singing]  I love Cheesy Poofs / We love Cheesy Poofs / If we all didn't love Cheesy Poofs / We'd be lame / I'm talking Night-Court-in-its-fifth-season lame!

• Stan : [They tampered with the planetarium's machine device and made Kenny's head explode]  Oh my god! We've killed Kenny!

  Kyle : We're bastards!

• Kenny : [haiku]  Mmmf mmmf mmf mff mmf / Mmf mmmf mmf mff mmf mmmf mmf / Mmmf mff mff mmf mmf

  [class laughs] 

  Stan : What's a discharge?

• Stan : Does that mean you're gonna be in that cheesy poofs commercial?

  Cartman : It's between me and 4 other kids. I'm on my way with my mum to the final.

  Kyle : [haiku]  I bet you don't win/They don't let big fat asses/Perform on TV.

  Mr. Garrison : Very good Kyle.

  Cartman : [attempting a haiku]  Shut your goddamn mouth/Or else I'm gonna kick you/ Square in the balls asshole

  [realises he has said one syllable too many] 

  Cartman : Ah dammit!

• Mr. Garrison : [Mr. Garrison has just shown his class an episode of Barnaby Jones]  Okay, children, what do you think Barnaby Jones meant when he said, "This is not a victimless crime"? Anybody? Children, were you paying attention?

  Kyle : Mr. Garrison, we've been watching Barnaby Jones repeats for eight days now. It's hard to keep paying attention.

  Mr. Garrison : Oh, well excuse me, Kyle! Why don't you just *forget* what Barnaby Jones has to say? Why don't you *not* pay attention to Barnaby Jones and then let's see how far you get in society?

• Barnaby Jones' Accomplace : Well, detective. It looks like ya fooled them again.

  Barnaby Jones : [Sounding old abd labored]  All in a day's work, I guess. I just hope that next time, I won't have to run so much.

  [the end credits roll and the TV is turned off]