The Simpsons (TV Series)

Homer Simpson in: 'Kidney Trouble' (1998)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson

Quotes 

• Marge Simpson : This should be very educational. I want you kids to pay attention.

  Tour Guide : Founded by prostitutes in 1849, and serviced by prostitute express riders who could bring in a fresh prostitute from Saint Joe in three days; Bloodbath Gulch quickly became known as a place where a trail hand could spend a month's pay in three minutes.

  Homer Simpson : Three minutes.

  [whistles] 

  Marge Simpson : I never realized history was so filthy!

  Tour Guide : First on our tour is the whore house. Then we'll visit the cathouse, the brothel, the bordello, and finally the old mission.

  Marge Simpson : Oh, thank heaven.

  Tour Guide : Lots of prostitutes in there!

• Grampa Simpson : Am I dead yet?

  Marge Simpson : No.

  Grampa Simpson : How about now?

  Marge Simpson : No.

  Grampa Simpson : Now?

  Marge Simpson : I'll tell you when you're dead, Grampa.

  Grampa Simpson : Thank you.

• Robot 1 : Hey, these cards are marked.

  [table falls] 

  Robot 2 : Now look what you've done.

  Robot 1 : I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.

  Robot 3 : Let's forget this whole thing happened.

  Homer : What the heck is this, a tea party? Somebody kill somebody.

  [Homer smashes a bottle on a robot's head. The robots begin to shoot Homer, who dives under a table] 

  Marge : What is it with you and robots?

• Marge : Aren't you going to perform the last rites?

  Rev. Lovejoy : That's Catholic, Marge. You might as well ask me to perform a voodoo dance.

• Homer : if I die during the operation, promise me one thing!

  Marge : Oh. Anything, Sweetheart.

  Homer : [sotto]  Blow up the Hospital.

  Marge : [hesitant]  Hmm... Well, I said I'd do it.

• [Homer has, at last and not quite voluntatrily, donated a kidney for his father] 

  Lisa Simpson : You've done a wonderful thing!

  Marge Simpson : Marge: Yes! You've shortened your life significantly so someone else can have a slight extension of theirs.

• Homer Simpson : Oh, I blame myself for it.

  Marge Simpson : We all blame you.

• Guide : Founded by prostitutes in 1849, and serviced by prostitute express riders who could bring in a fresh prostitute from Saint Joe in three days, Bloodbath Gulch quickly became known as a place where a trailhand could spend a month's pay in three minutes.

  Homer : Three minutes.

  [whistles] 

  Marge : I never realized history was so filthy.