Count Duckula (TV Series)

No Sax Please: We're Egyptian (1988)

Jimmy Hibbert: Ruffles, Yoobee, Sviatoslav, 1st Camel, 4th Crow

Quotes 

• [Duckula meets two Egyptian priests deep beneath a pyramid] 

  Hoomite : I am Hoomite, High Priest of the Sun God Ra! And this is my assistant Yoobee.

  Yoobee : Delighted, I'm sure.

  Hoomite : Who might you be?

  Count Duckula : Yes, I got that.

  Hoomite : No, who might you be?

  Count Duckula : Yes, I know, you said that already.

  Hoomite : So you will not tell me?

  Count Duckula : Well, I hardly need to, do I?

  Hoomite : We shall see about that! Yoobee, you try.

  Yoobee : Oh, very well master. Listen I am Yoobee, right?

  Count Duckula : Wrong. I am. You are.

  Yoobee : Aahhh! There you are Master, he is Yooare.

  Hoomite : So you are Yooare?

  Count Duckula : I am not, I am not.

  Hoomite : See! He is not Yooare, he is Knot!

  Yoobee : You are Yooare!

  Count Duckula : I am not Yooare.

  Yoobee : Don't call me Knot, Yooare. I am not Yooare, I am not Knot. I am Yoobee.

  Count Duckula : Look, let us get this sorted out. I am not Knot, okay? I am not Yooare. Okay? And you are Hoomite. And you are Yoobee. Okay?

  Hoomite , Yoobee : Okay.

  Hoomite : But!

  Count Duckula : Yes?

  Hoomite : Who might you be?

• Ruffles : [spying on Castle Duckula]  I like the looks of that there castle. What''s the guidebook say?

  Burt : [opens book]  Uh, here we go. "Castle Duckula, home to the traditional vampire barons of Transylvania." Here, guv, vampires!

  Ruffles : Oh, don't be stupid, it just says that to get the tourists in, get on with it!

  Burt : Uh, antique prisoners, already nicked by butler, got a great of assortment of valuable paintings, "beware of the werewolf".

  Ruffles : Werewolf, eh? When's full moon?

  Burt : [looks at watch]  Uh, next week, chief.

  Ruffles : Oh, well that's all right, then.So they've got a lot of valuable paintings, have they? It'll be our best job since the Tower of London!

• Count Duckula : [asking about a pharaoh]  Who, Ra?

  Hoomite : And Upshee rises!

  Count Duckula , Hoomite , Yoobee : [singing]  Hoorah, and Upshee rises/ Hoorah, and Upshee rises/ Hoorah, and Upshee rises never in the morning!

• Count Duckula : [after a long and winding mix-up of names]  I can't stand anymore!

  Yoobee : Of course you can't stand anymore, we've tied you to the sacrificial altar, and it serves you right!

• Count Duckula : The mystic saxophone?

  Igor : What the Archduck was searching for!

  Count Duckula : Well, you never mentioned *that*!

  Igor : I thought I did, milord.

  Count Duckula : No, you did not!

  Ruffles : [the Crow Brothers are eavesdropping outside the window. the first crow Brother asks the second]  Here now, did he mention the mystic saxophone?

  Burt : [asks the third]  I don't know, did he mention the mystic saxophone?

  Junior : [asks the fourth]  I don't know! Eh, did he mention the mystic saxophone?

  4th Crow : Uh, no.

  Junior : [to second]  No.

  Burt : [to first]  No.

  Ruffles : [to Igor, who does not realize that he is there]  No, you never mentioned it!

  Count Duckula : You see? You never mentioned it!

  Igor : I'm sorry, milord. Milord, it's rather stuffy in here. Excuse me while I open a window.

  [he opens the window, which knocks the Crow Brothers down] 

• 2nd Camel : [seeing the castle in the desert]  That's the strangest looking mirage I've seen all week!

  1st Camel : Oh, that's not a mirage!

  2nd Camel : I'll bet you fifty piastres it *is*!

  1st Camel : You're on!

  2nd Camel : Right so. Watch this.

  [the second camel runs into the castle hitting his head] 

  2nd Camel : Ooh!

  1st Camel : There you are. I told you so!

• Ruffles : [talking about Egypt]  That's about, uh, 3,000 miles from here!

  Crow Brother #2 : As the crow flies?

  Ruffles : Oh, shut up.

• Ruffles : [they are climbing the walls]  Come on, lads, at about fifty-foot, we'll reach the top. Have you got the-

  [he hears Nanny singing off-key] 

  Burt : Have I got the what, chief?

  Ruffles : Listen.

  [he hears Nanny singing again] 

  Ruffles : Makes your flesh creep, dunnit? Must be the werewolf.

  Nanny : [Nanny is dusting]  Now, give it a tickle with me featherduster, and it'll be as right as rain!

  Ruffles : She's ticklin' it wiv' a featherduster! No wonder it's out.

  Nanny : [she sweeps the featherduster outside of the window and unknowingly into Ruffles' face]  There!

  Ruffles : [gears up to sneeze]  Ahh, ahh...

  Burt : What's ah, chief?

  Ruffles : Ahh...

  Burt : "Ahh" *what*, chief?

  Ruffles : [sneezes]  Ah-choo!

  [he lets go of the ledge and the four Crow Brothers plummet down to the ground]