Count Duckula (TV Series)
No Sax Please: We're Egyptian (1988)
David Jason: Count Duckula, The Archduck McGanza, Burt
Photos
Quotes
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[Duckula meets two Egyptian priests deep beneath a pyramid]
Hoomite : I am Hoomite, High Priest of the Sun God Ra! And this is my assistant Yoobee.
Yoobee : Delighted, I'm sure.
Hoomite : Who might you be?
Count Duckula : Yes, I got that.
Hoomite : No, who might you be?
Count Duckula : Yes, I know, you said that already.
Hoomite : So you will not tell me?
Count Duckula : Well, I hardly need to, do I?
Hoomite : We shall see about that! Yoobee, you try.
Yoobee : Oh, very well master. Listen I am Yoobee, right?
Count Duckula : Wrong. I am. You are.
Yoobee : Aahhh! There you are Master, he is Yooare.
Hoomite : So you are Yooare?
Count Duckula : I am not, I am not.
Hoomite : See! He is not Yooare, he is Knot!
Yoobee : You are Yooare!
Count Duckula : I am not Yooare.
Yoobee : Don't call me Knot, Yooare. I am not Yooare, I am not Knot. I am Yoobee.
Count Duckula : Look, let us get this sorted out. I am not Knot, okay? I am not Yooare. Okay? And you are Hoomite. And you are Yoobee. Okay?
Hoomite : But!
Count Duckula : Yes?
Hoomite : Who might you be?
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Count Duckula : [about Nanny's slamming of silverware at people] Last time, you killed three chambermaids and a footman!
Nanny : Oh, they was only part-time, sir! And the little blond one never dusted the pictures rails!
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Count Duckula : I might have been killed!
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Count Duckula : [asking about a pharaoh] Who, Ra?
Hoomite : And Upshee rises!
Count Duckula , Hoomite , Yoobee : [singing] Hoorah, and Upshee rises/ Hoorah, and Upshee rises/ Hoorah, and Upshee rises never in the morning!
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Count Duckula : [after a long and winding mix-up of names] I can't stand anymore!
Yoobee : Of course you can't stand anymore, we've tied you to the sacrificial altar, and it serves you right!
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Count Duckula : The mystic saxophone?
Igor : What the Archduck was searching for!
Count Duckula : Well, you never mentioned *that*!
Igor : I thought I did, milord.
Count Duckula : No, you did not!
Ruffles : [the Crow Brothers are eavesdropping outside the window. the first crow Brother asks the second] Here now, did he mention the mystic saxophone?
Burt : [asks the third] I don't know, did he mention the mystic saxophone?
Junior : [asks the fourth] I don't know! Eh, did he mention the mystic saxophone?
4th Crow : Uh, no.
Junior : [to second] No.
Burt : [to first] No.
Ruffles : [to Igor, who does not realize that he is there] No, you never mentioned it!
Count Duckula : You see? You never mentioned it!
Igor : I'm sorry, milord. Milord, it's rather stuffy in here. Excuse me while I open a window.
[he opens the window, which knocks the Crow Brothers down]
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Count Duckula : [upon hearing the Crow Brothers fall out side the window sill] What was that?
Igor : Hmm?
Count Duckula : A series of thuds like falling bodies hitting the floor!
Igor : Oh, that'll be Nanny making pastry, sir.
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Igor : [narrating on the Archduck's discovery] On day, while penetrating the depths of the Pharaoh Upshee's tomb, he stumbled upon a great stone altar.
The Archduck McGanza : [trips over the altar] Ow!
[chortles]
The Archduck McGanza : What great, stupid idiot left *this* here?
Igor : And as he mused upon this marvelous discovery...
The Archduck McGanza : Marvelous? I nearly broke me bloody foot!
Igor : ...There entered two strange figures with weird hair, looking like the walking dead!
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Igor : Look, sir, a statue.
Count Duckula : Oh, it's not me, I don't look at anything like that.
Igor : I meant, sir, that it is a statue to guard the dead. A statue of the god Anubis.
Nanny : Master Duckula, close your your eyes!
Count Duckula : Huh, close my eyes?
Nanny : I won't have you looking at people with no clothes on!
Count Duckula : What are you talk - not a "nudist", Nanny, *Anubis*, it's a statue of *Anubis*! Oh, what's the use?
